My Personal Faith Journey

As a teenager, I went through the normal stage of questioning what my parents taught me.  There were lots of churches on the earth, so how could I know that my church was the right one?  About this time when I was starting to wonder and doubt, I got my Patriarchal Blessing.  I think during that blessing it may have been one of the first times I really felt the Holy Ghost.  I left the Patriarch's home feeling confident that the Church was true.  I remember having twinges of doubt from time to time after that, but when I would hear the prophet speak, I would feel the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that he was truly a prophet of God.

 My dad gave me a father's blessing once as a teenager, telling me that I would serve a mission for the church.  I remember feeling very panicky about that.  I didn't want to serve a mission!  I was shy and I also didn't know enough about the gospel to be able to teach it to someone else!  Luckily (I thought at the time) I got married at the age of 19 so couldn't serve a mission because at that time girls had to wait until they were 21 to serve a mission.

We raised our children in the Church, teaching them the gospel.  We had regular Family Home Evenings, Family Scripture Study and Family Prayers and did our best to be good parents and live according to the council of our church leaders.  I thought our prophet and the apostles were perfect and never made any mistakes.  I thought our local church leaders (i.e. bishop and Relief Society President) were practically perfect people. I never saw or heard that they weren't so I continued to believe that until I was called to be a Ward Relief Society President.  I knew I wasn't perfect, so that was a beginning of knowing that local church leaders weren't perfect.  However, I continued to believe that the prophet and apostles were perfect.

Through the years I learned how to recognize personal revelation.  As Relief Society President, it was crucial as I made Visiting Teaching assignments.  It was crucial as a mother to know how to teach my children to do what was right.  My prayers became more effective as I grew in faith.  And with stronger faith, my prayers were answered more quickly.  And as my prayers were answered more quickly, it strengthened my faith and the cycle continued.  

The day came when my children were all grown and my husband and I were called to serve a mission for our church.  This was to be a temple mission, not a proselyting mission, so I still didn't need to teach the gospel.  Not too many months into that mission, our oldest son let us know that he didn't believe in the church any more.  This rocked my world.  I didn't know what to think!  We had taught him the best we knew how.  The church had blessed our lives and given us happiness, purpose and guidance.  What did we do wrong?  How had this happened?  I did all in my power to change his mind, with the result of causing him to not want to have much to do with me.

Our temple mission gave us plenty of spare time, so I spent my time reading and studying and trying to figure out why our son had decided the church wasn't true.  He suggested a few documents to read that reflected some of his beliefs.  This caused a bit of a crisis of faith for me, as I tried to determine if he could be right.  I read talks by early church leaders that were a bit disturbing as I had never heard them before.  As I read documents by disaffected members who would quote early and modern church leaders, I went to the original source and discovered that some of those quotes were taken out of context and weren't bad when in context.  That just made me feel like these disgruntled members were just trying to shine a bad light on these leaders.  So my faith stayed intact at that time.

Serving with us on that temple mission was a well-known church history historian who started giving the temple missionaries and other missionaries serving in the area lectures on the early lives of the modern day prophets, starting with Joseph Smith.  That was the beginning of my understanding that our leaders weren't all perfect.  They were and are human and can make mistakes just the same as anyone else.  They just know enough to repent more frequently and try to do better, just as we all need to repent frequently and try to do better every day.

These past several years have been hard ones spiritually and emotionally because some of my other children have also rejected the gospel of Jesus Christ which we taught them throughout their childhood.  Though it has been painful, for me it was a good thing for my own spiritual progression, because it caused me to really examine the teachings of my church and the history of it and the scriptures and come to an understanding of what exactly I believed and why.  It became painful and dark as I read through much anti Mormon literature, most by disaffected members.  I read the explanations by church leaders as to why things in the history of the church happened, to try to understand better.  I have tried to look at all of it logically, and with an open mind to determine if my children could be right, that the church isn't true.  

But if the church isn't true, what were the spiritual experiences I have had throughout my life?  They think I have been so indoctrinated that I wouldn't even consider that the church wasn't true.  They think my mind is closed to the idea.  But they are wrong.  I have studied and pondered and prayed to know the truth and have come through it all with a deeper, stronger faith, with a stronger foundation.  My faith before this experience was weak in comparison, but now it is strong.  The one thing that clinches it for me is the Book of Mormon.     

My faith that Joseph Smith was a true prophet comes from my faith in the Book of Mormon.  As I read from the Book of Mormon every day I know that Joseph could not have written it himself.  There is too much wisdom and knowledge that Joseph could not have known as a farmer with very little schooling.  He could have written it if he was inspired of God, but if he was inspired of God, why would he lie about it and say that he translated the book rather than that he wrote it under the inspiration of God?  If he was an evil man, I don't believe he could have written such beautiful words. 

I wrote this blogpost over 2 years ago!  I am through with being fearful of posting my thoughts and feelings. I will continue to post my progression as I search for light and truth. 

Love, Communication and Choice

Love - Love is kind.  Love is compassionate.  Love is understanding, willing to look at how someone else may be feeling.  Love is trying to imagine how someone else may be interpreting what is happening or what is said.  Love is being willing to look for the good in another person's words or behavior rather than focus on those things you don't agree with or that hurt your feelings.  Love is being humble enough to look at the unasked for advice you are given and examining it to see if it is valuable or if it's something you are already doing and it's not necessary or it's just not necessary for you.  Love is asking questions and communicating with someone rather than assuming the worst.  I have had both experiences recently.  The one I felt loved and the other I felt unloved, rejected and misunderstood.

As my mind ages, I have a tendency to forget things I have said and will repeat myself.  You have probably had the experience of an elderly person repeating the same stories over and over.  Well now that I am 70, I'm afraid I may be doing the same thing.  I texted some unsolicited advice to one of my daughters recently that ended up hurting her and causing her to feel like I wasn't happy with her.  But instead of assuming that was the case, and just feeling bad because of that assumption, she called me to get clarification about what I had said.  Apparently I had given the same advice 5 times!  I wasn't upset with her and had just forgotten I had already told her that piece of advice.  I am so glad she didn't dwell on her hurt feelings and called me instead to clear the air!  It gave me a chance to explain myself and reassure her that I wasn't upset with her in the least.  Because of her call I felt loved.  I felt like our relationship was valuable enough to her for her to be willing to reach out to me.  This strengthened our relationship and strengthened my love for her.

Another loved one has already given up on our relationship.  He can only see me in the worst light.  I would love to heal our relationship, but he has taken away every avenue for doing that.  I can't call, text, email or even visit his home.  It reminds me of  the behavior of the parents and families of some new converts of the church.  They determined that their son or daughter was no longer worthy to be a part of their family if they turned their back on what they had been taught all of their lives.  And yet I still love him with all my heart. He is the one who has turned his back on what we taught him all his life.  He has chosen a different path.  But it doesn't cause us to want to disown him.  We still love him and want to have a loving relationship with him.  Is it possible to have a good relationship with someone who thinks so differently about life and religion?  Is it possible to enjoy conversation, or is it necessary to believe the same things to be able to communicate at all?  

Perhaps the problem is that I haven't listened carefully enough to try to understand his point of view better.   He has said over and over that he didn't choose to not believe in the church or believe in God.  It was all the evidence that he found that cinched it for him.  However in our last conversation I said something about him choosing not to believe the church was true.  This was a stupid thing for me to say, because I knew how strongly he felt about it, and yet I was feeling relaxed enough that I just said what came to mind.  After he said he didn't want to have anything to do with me ever again, I sent an email hoping to soften my words, where I apologized for saying he chose to not believe.  I apologized because I knew that what I said was the wrong thing to say, but I wasn't apologizing for believing that.  In my last blogpost, I again said that we choose what we believe.  Because I said that, he believes I was being dishonest in my email to him.  It was a mistake for me to apologize for my statement.  It definitely backfired and didn't help our relationship in the least.

Our beliefs are so very different and it seems that in his mind, the fact that I can't see eye to eye with him, means my mind is closed and his beliefs aren't valid to me. We are both trying to live lives of integrity and yet in his mind, I have lost my integrity.  But during the last week or so, in trying to see things from his perspective, I think I understand why he said he didn't choose to not believe the church is true, instead, he took all the evidence he had found and felt like it was obvious and should be obvious to everyone.  Because it wasn't obvious to me, he thought I was brainwashed and wouldn't take him seriously.  That can be very hurtful when something you believe very strongly isn't believed by someone you care about.  He must have been very frustrated that I couldn't see his point of view.  That probably caused him to feel rejected, because I was rejecting his views without seemingly investigating those views.  For him, if I had just had an open mind, I would see things the way he did.  I think he probably did want to believe the church was true because of all the beautiful and comforting doctrines it teaches and was probably devastated when he came to believe that it wasn't true and that God didn't even exist!  What a horrible thing to happen in someone's life!  And then to have his loved ones not even want to consider that he may be right.  He must have felt alone and isolated, rejected and misunderstood.  

Now, he just seems angry with me.  But my heart continues to reach out to him.  As I have been contemplating how he must have felt and how he probably feels now, I believe he is hurting probably as much as I am.  I want to take him in my arms and comfort him.  I want to be vulnerable enough to allow him to tell me everything he has wanted to tell me.  I want to be strong enough to not fall apart at his words.  And I hope the day will come when he will be vulnerable enough to allow me to share with him all the things I have to say to him without him rejecting me again and again.  Can't we just love each other in spite of our differences?  Can't we be solid enough in our relationship to not feel threatened because we believe different things?  Authenticity is important to him.  Is it possible for us both to be authentic with each other and allow each other the space to grow and develop without rejecting the other?  Can we be imperfect human beings and still be friends?

Feelings, Doubts, Choice and Faith

 A few years ago I came across a video posted on Facebook that was quite disturbing.  I think the purpose of the video was to cause doubt about the trustworthiness of our feelings.  The first part of the video started with the testimonies of some of those in the cult Heaven's Gate who ultimately committed suicide, convinced that by doing so they would be picked up by an alien spacecraft and "transformed through biological and chemical processes to perfected beings." 

That was followed by testimonies of people from different churches saying that they knew their church was true.  I believe this was to discourage and confuse those of us in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who believe that our church is the only true church on the earth.  I remember watching the video several times, trying to make sense of it.  I felt confused and a bit depressed.  But answers came as I pondered and prayed about it.  I realized that not all feelings are to be trusted, especially if acting on them would cause harm to yourself or others.  I learned through study and by faith that other churches have a lot of truth and many are trying to follow Jesus Christ to the very best of their abilities and the knowledge they have.  It's not surprising to me at all now that others might receive a testimony that their church is true.  I'm just grateful for the additional truth that our Church has to offer.

Around the same time as the video was posted, someone posted a link to a letter which was also full of disconcerting questions that cast doubt on the veracity of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith along with all the other questions critics of the church have brought up time and time again since the church was organized.  Because one of my loved ones had left the church a few years before, I had already studied many of the questions and found answers that satisfied me.  I still had a testimony that the church was true, but the video and letter again challenged my testimony and caused me to reexamine my beliefs.  I remember talking with another loved one around that time and they shared that the magic was gone concerning the gospel.  Now that doubt had entered in, it let in an underlying sadness into their life.  I felt that was true for me as well for a time, but as I have continued to study and pray, my faith in God has only become stronger. I have learned more about what the gospel really teaches and have let go of some of the incorrect understandings that have creeped into mine and other members of the church's beliefs.  My husband and I started reading more than ever and listening to audio books that helped give answers to the questions.  Our testimonies have become more rooted in truth rather than tradition.

I think the reason I was able to hold onto my testimony through this difficult time is because I already had a relationship with God.  I knew Him.  I felt his presence in my life every day.  He gave me solace when I was sad.  He gave me guidance when I didn't know what to do.  He gave me assurance that all would be well when I was worried about something or someone.  The interesting thing to me is that when the doubt entered in, I felt darkness.  I didn't feel the Spirit.  I felt confusion.  Gratefully, as I studied the scriptures and the words of modern prophets and the words of other inspired people, my faith became strong again.   My faith in my Savior Jesus Christ has become more sure.  And as my faith in God has become more sure, the magic has returned.  I believe again in miracles.  During this Christmas Season, my heart is full of love for others and the joy of knowing God really is there.  He really does love me and will help me through the trials of life.

It is definitely a choice to believe or not to believe.  The reason I say that is that there are a plethora of writings on both sides of every question.  If you decide you don't believe in God or that Jesus Christ is our Savior, there are writings that will support you in that belief.  But turn around and decide that you do believe in God and Jesus Christ and the pendulum swings the other way.  There is so much evidence to support a belief in God and in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  My life is better when my faith is strong.  My faith gives me the ability to feel the Spirit more strongly and more often and it gives me the answers to the questions of my soul.  I love my Heavenly Father so much and I love my Savior Jesus Christ.  I know I can trust them.  

Here are some of the books we have read during the past few years that have answered our questions, corrected our erroneous beliefs and helped us hold on to our faith and strengthen it: 

The Crucible of Doubt by Terryl and Fiona Givens

The Faith of a Scientist by Henry Eyring (father of Pres. Henry B. Eyring)

Let's Talk about Faith and Intellect by Terryl Givens

Panther to Priesthood by Eddie Leroy Willis

The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens

Let's Talk about the Book of Abraham by Kerry Muhlestein

The Doors of Faith by Terryl Givens

Let's Talk about Religion and Mental Health by Daniel K. Judd

The Spirit of Revelation by David A. Bednar

Let's Talk about Polygamy by Brittany Chapman Nash

Where the Soul Hungers by Samuel M. Brown

A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked by Ben Schilaty (a gay member)

Real vs. Rumor by Keith A. Erekson

Feelings by Matthew O. Richardson

All Things New by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens

10 Reasons Why Joseph Smith Is a Prophet by Anthony Sweat

Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund

The Second Coming of the Lord by Gerald N. Lund

What Seek Ye? by S. Michael Wilcox

Without the Mask by Charles Bird (a gay member)

The Christ Who Heals by Terryl Givens and Fiona Givens

Answers will Come by Shalissa Lindsay

The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson

Faith Is Not Blind by Bruce C. Hafen, Marie K. Hafen

Knowing Why: 127 MORE Evidences That the Book of Mormon is True by BoM Central

A Reason for Faith by Laura Harris Hales

The Heavens Are Open by Wendy Watson Nelson

Seekers Wanted by Anthony Sweat

Falling to Heaven: The Surprising Path to Happiness by James L. Ferrell

Insights from a Prophet's Life: Russell M. Nelson by Sheri Dew

To Draw Closer to God by Henry B. Eyring

Planted: Belief and Belonging in an Age of Doubt by Patrick Q. Mason

Getting at the Truth: Responding to Difficult Questions by Robert L. Millet

The Little Book of Book of Mormon Evidences by John Hilton III

Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Richard L. Anderson

Leap of Faith: Confronting the Origins of the BoM by Bob Bennett

An Ancient American Setting for the Book of Mormon by John L. Sorenson

Reexploring the Book of Mormon by John W. Welch

Case of the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Eldin Ricks

Shaken Faith Syndrome by Mike Ash

Reflections of a Scientist by Henry Eyring

That We May Be One by Tom Christofferson (a gay member)

Our Adventure

During this time when we are tuned to the things we are grateful for, I feel grateful for the experience my husband and I had a few weeks ago as we celebrated our 50th Wedding anniversary by going on our first cruise.  It didn't go as planned and yet my husband and I felt like we were on an adventure and each time we supposedly had a setback, we were able to look at it calmly and kind of with a feeling of excitement wondering what was going to happen next!  First, our flight to Paris where we were to get a connecting flight to Rome where our cruise was to begin, was late and we missed our connecting flight and missed the opportunity to go to the Rome Temple, one of the highlights we were so excited to do.  But though we felt disappointed, we didn't feel anxious or upset about it.  We were able to get another flight that got us to Rome the same day, but too late to even drive by the Temple.  

We went on and enjoyed our tours of Rome and then of Greece and Turkey and just before we got to the Holy Land, the greatest purpose for our cruise, I started to get sick.  I spent a day in our cabin, resting and then the night before we landed in Haifa, I took a Covid test, just to make sure I didn't have that.  It was negative, so we just donned our masks and set out with our tour group and enjoyed seeing the Holy Land.  I felt so grateful for the opportunity and in certain places such as in Capernaum where Jesus walked and in the Garden of Gethsemane I felt something sacred there.  While we were in Israel, my husband started to get sick too.  He was pretty miserable for much of our tours there, but since my test was negative, we assumed we just both had colds.  

We got back on the ship and went to the Island of Cyprus where we got off briefly and toured an old Castle museum.  When we got back to the ship, we had my husband take our last Covid test since his cold seemed worse than mine.  His was positive!  So then I went down to the ship's doctor and was tested as well.  This time my test was positive!  This meant we had to isolate for 5 days.  However our flight home was in 3 days and Rome wouldn't let us off the ship within 5 days of a positive Covid test.  Again we just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and laughed!  Of course we felt sorry that we had exposed our tour group to Covid unknowingly, but we also felt relieved that we were able to enjoy all of the tours we had planned.

So for the next 5 days we had to stay in our cabin and actually got moved to another cabin in an area for those who were sick.  Our cabin looked the same, but we didn't have the daily visit of the steward who would make our bed and leave a chocolate on our pillow every night.  We adjusted and didn't really mind spending so much time in the cabin.  We got room service for all of our meals and got a complimentary laundry service and premium internet.  We enjoyed listening to a few audio books and looking out the window at the sea and watching the crew take the life boats down and ride them around to test them out.  We felt relaxed and not anxious at all until I started figuring out how we were to get home.   The cruise line invited us to stay on for the next two week cruise which would be stopping in Spain and the Bahamas and end up in Fort Lauderdale.  It would be complimentary.  We only thought about that briefly because many of those days would be Sea days and since we aren't swimming pool people, it didn't sound very appealing.  But getting off the ship in Spain sounded very exciting!  

So on Monday, our 5th day, we were allowed to get off the ship in Valencia, Spain where we took a train to Madrid.  The next day we got to go to the Madrid Temple!  I had wanted to go to Spain some day and this was a dream come true!  So we felt like God had given us a tender mercy.  In place of not being able to go to the Rome Temple, He let us go to the Spain Madrid Temple.  At one point as we were coming back in the evening to the hotel after our session, we got off the bus too soon and found ourselves lost, but I still felt calm and we soon encountered a friendly couple who guided us to a place where we could get a taxi.  They were so nice that we didn't feel anxious or abandoned.  Luckily we both speak Spanish so we were able to communicate with them just fine.  Again we felt watched over and protected.

The next day we got to the airport early for our flight home.  All went well until we got on the plane.  There was just a slight delay because one of the doors wouldn't shut completely.  Finally we got underway, but after about 30 minutes in flight, we were notified that the flight had to return to Madrid because there was no oxygen on board.  Apparently there had been a leak in the system.  Again, we just felt excited to see what was going to happen next!  When we got back to Madrid, we stayed on board for awhile while the technicians studied the issue and finally they told us that the flight was cancelled and they would be putting everyone up in a hotel and the flight would go the following day!  

It took awhile for us all to get on the buses with our luggage and get checked in to the Marriot Hotel but we did and we all got complimentary meals which were delicious!  We got lunch and dinner that day and breakfast the following morning and then headed to the airport again, and this time everything went well and we made our flight and our connecting flight in New York and got home safe and sound!

What could have been a traumatic and disappointing and frustrating trip turned in to an adventure for us.  We truly enjoyed the conversations we had with our fellow passengers through this whole experience and were happy to see that many of them had the same feelings we did about it.  Others however felt anxious and upset and angry.  I felt sorry for them and the stewardess who had to deal with them.

I am grateful for a husband who is able to take things in stride and not stress over them.  I am grateful for the understanding I have that one of the main purposes of life is to learn and gain experience.  I am grateful for the peace and calm we were able to feel that allowed us to relax and just enjoy the ride.  Our lives are not always so peaceful, so I feel especially grateful for this experience.

The Amazing Power of Faith and the Cellphone

"What power does your faith give you?" This was the question given in response to my daughter's statement "I don't want to lose the power my faith gives me."  She showed me the emails she and a loved one who had lost his faith had been writing to each other.  This has caused me much reflection in the years since then but I have found some answers that I want to share.

At first, I thought, well, my faith isn't strong enough to move mountains.  I don't see many miracles in my life so what power does my faith really give me?  It really caused me to reflect on what exactly is the power of faith?  These are some of the answers that have come as I have reflected and pondered on the subject.

My faith in God gives me the power to feel the Spirit of the Lord every day.  He's there and I know it, not just because I've been told He's there, but because I feel Him.  Being able to feel His presence in my life has become stronger and stronger as my faith has grown.  

My faith in God gives me the power to receive and recognize answers to my prayers.  With that power, I am never truly on my own, struggling for answers.

My faith in God gives me the power to act in confidence, even when it's something that is out of my comfort zone.  The power of the Spirit gives me the reassurance that I can do it and that He will help me accomplish whatever it is He wants me to do.

My faith in God gives me the power to feel peace, even when bad things happen.  With an Eternal perspective, I can ask the Lord what I am to learn from the situation.  I know that the Savior descended below all things and that He knows what is happening and has felt the pain and anguish and can give the comfort and reassurance needed if we will only have faith in Him. 

I have noticed that when my faith is weak, when I have read something or heard something that causes some doubt to enter in, I don't feel the power as strong.  I have a harder time feeling the Spirit.  I don't recognize answers to my prayers.  I'm more timid about doing things out of my comfort zone and it's harder to see the purpose of trials in life.

I was talking about this with my husband one day and he suggested that it was kind of like talking on a cellphone.  When I have the cellphone to my ear, I can hear the person I'm talking to (in this case, Heavenly Father) and He hears me and answers my questions and listens to my concerns and gives me advice.  There is two way communication. But when I become unsure that He is there, or when I forget He's there, it's like I am moving the cellphone away from my ear so it's harder to hear Him.  And if I put the cellphone down and walk away it's like I have rejected Him.  But He's still there, waiting for me to continue the conversation.  He hasn't left me, I have left Him.

I know Heavenly Father is still there, loving us and waiting for us to pick up the cellphone (in prayer) and talk with Him about our concerns and listen to the counsel he has to give us.  To me this is the amazing power of faith in God.  It gives me the power with His help, to move the metaphorical mountains in my life and expect miracles to happen.

A Story of Strength

 A short time ago my granddaughter texted me with a request.  Her seminary teacher had assigned her to ask a parent or grandparent to share a story of strength with her.  As I pondered on this topic, the only story of strength I could think of in my own life, was the knowledge that my strength comes from my faith in God.  My faith is what gives me the strength to carry on from day to day, emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.

My faith in the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge of where I came from, why I am here on this earth with all of its trials and blessings, and where I will go after this life, gives me the strength and courage to carry on.  It helps me feel like it's all worth the effort.  When I am sick or in pain, my faith helps me remember that one of the purposes of this life is to gain experience and it helps me deal with the pain, and surprisingly sometimes the discomfort goes away more quickly than I would have expected when I thank God for the experience.  When I am sad because of a death of someone I care about, my faith helps me see things in perspective and know that the day will come when I will see them again and gives me strength to carry on.  When I am hurt by the words or actions of another person, my faith helps me deal with the emotions and helps me see things in perspective. I know that it's between them and God and I don't need to internalize the hurt, and that knowledge gives me the strength to feel compassion for them instead of anger or hatred.  

Knowledge is power!  Faith is power!  Knowing that I have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ helps me through every crisis.  Knowing I can access them personally in private prayer and feel the answers to my prayers gives me hope and strengthens my faith.  Every time I receive an answer to my prayers, it strengthens my faith.  And as my faith becomes stronger, the answers to my prayers come more clearly and quickly.  Because I expect and know that my prayer will be answered, my faith is strengthened and the cycle continues...  

As I study the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon and internalize its teachings, my faith is strengthened and I feel their truthfulness and have experienced their truth.  For example, in 1 Nephi 10:19 -

For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round.

I have had the experience of having the mysteries of God unfolded to me by the power of the Holy Ghost.   It came after diligently seeking the Lord through prayerful study of the scriptures and through sincere prayer.  I have experienced the "enlightened understanding" and "deliciousness" of the word as spoken of in Alma 32:28.

Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

Without my faith in God, I would be weak.  I would be left to my own power and my own judgment which does not always serve me.  However "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me."  (Philippians 4:13) 

In the book of Mosiah, Alma and his people were being persecuted by Amulon and were forbidden to pray vocally and were treated like beasts of burden.  But instead of stopping their prayers, they continued to pray silently.

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." (Mosiah 24:15)

I have faith that these words are true because I have experienced the strengthening power of the Lord.  The Book of Mormon strengthens my faith and comforts me through its teachings.

And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness. (1Nephi 17:3)

I am grateful for my faith and the strength and power it gives me to accomplish all the things I want to do and feel the Lord would have me do.  

The Natural Man

In the Book of Mormon, in Mosiah 3:19 it says "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever..."  I have heard people stop there and think that God considers them His enemy.  And also in Helaman 12:7 how it says "O how great is the ^anothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are ^bless than the dust of the earth."  If we stop there, it sounds like we really are worthless souls!  Does God really consider us worthless and His enemy?  

This morning I was reading a Conference talk and went to the footnotes and saw this scripture in 1 Corinthians 2:14 where it says "But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

This scripture helps me understand a little better what Mosiah 3:19 may mean.  If we take the things of the spirit of God to be foolishness, then we are alienating ourselves from God.  And by alienating ourselves from God we are unable to understand the things of the Spirit because they are only to be understood through the Spirit.  If we alienate ourselves from God, we may become His enemy by fighting against Him.

The rest of Mosiah 3:19 says: "unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

This may be hard for some to take, because becoming as a child, submissive, meek and humble, etc. is against their nature.  The idea of giving up our own will in submission to our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ can be a hard one, when we value our own will.  It may be hard and even scary to give up our own will to accept what God wants us to do.  The difference between us and a child is that a child usually trusts their father.  

What happens as we get older?  Teenagers usually go through a phase where they may not be quite as obedient to their parents.  They want to try their wings and do their own thing.  It's usually not until they are parents and have their own children that they realize that maybe their parents knew more than they thought.  Then sometimes they appreciate what their parents taught them and understand better the intentions of their parents.

Let's consider Helaman 12:8.  After verse 7 where it says the children of men are less than the dust of the earth, Helaman 8 goes on to say why.  It talks about the power of God and how he can command the dust of the earth.  He can cause the hills and mountains to quake and be broken up and become smooth.  He can cause the earth to stand still, the waters of the deep to be dried up, mountains to move, etc. etc.  I think the reason we are less than the dust of the earth is because we don't always obey Him as the dust and the earth and the mountains do.  

In Helaman 12:23 it says "Therefore, blessed are they who will repent and hearken unto the voice of the Lord their God; for these are they that shall be saved."

Verse 25: And I would that all men might be saved...

So from these scriptures I understand that God wants us to submit our will to His, and in return He will save us.  But my experience with being submissive to God, hasn't been a trial or something bad.  Submitting to God makes me free.  It helps me to know what to do.  When I obey Him and do what the Spirit prompts me to do, things go better than when I just do what I want to do.  The idea is to get to the point where we want the same things as God does;  because those things always bring a deeper joy than when we go against His will and do our own thing.  My experience has been that I can trust Him.  Things always go better in my life and I am happier when I follow the promptings I receive from Him.