Recently I had cause to ponder on my many imperfections. It kept me up one night, not being able to sleep. I thought about my children and the times I made mistakes in how I treated them and their suffering the consequences of my imperfect parenting. I thought about all of the prayers I offered through the years that I would be a good mother. I remember praying that I would be the mother my children needed me to be. I still pray for that every day. And yet through the years, not meaning to, I made mistakes. I was human. I was real with real faults. How could I have made so many mistakes when I had prayed so hard that I would be a good mother? Then the spirit came and reminded me that my Heavenly Father knows me intimately. He knows my faults and the mistakes I would make in raising our children. He also knows my strengths and the good I would do. He knows my children completely as well, and He knows the challenges they would need to become their best selves. Perhaps they were sent to me because of the challenges my parenting would give them to overcome?
We are taught that one of the purposes for this life is to gain experience that through our experience we may discern between good and evil. I guess that's why we aren't given perfect parents or perfect spouses or perfect children or perfect leaders. We are here to learn to discern between truth and the philosophies of man, to learn the difference between good and evil. I believe every one of us is given a set of trials tailored to our eternal needs, for our highest good.
Thankfully, Jesus Christ was sent to atone for our learning curve. He felt the pains and the discouragement and the remorse and the anguish of every one of us. He knows how we feel and if we will accept his atoning sacrifice for us, we can feel relief and even joy as we willingly repent.
My husband and I have been reading a book on the life of Joseph Smith by Richard Bushman called "Rough Stone Rolling." This very thoroughly researched book doesn't sugarcoat the life of Joseph Smith. It portrays a man who was very human. He got angry when people disagreed with him. He was sometimes prideful. He made errors in judgment. He was not constantly inspired. But he was also very concerned about wanting to be forgiven for his sins and he was very quick to forgive others. He dreamed of living in a Zion Society where everyone was of one heart and one mind. He was an imperfect instrument in God's hands.
Joseph Smith was God's instrument in translating the Book of Mormon. Though there are several opinions out there as to where the Book of Mormon lands were located, and it's impossible to know for sure where they were at this time, I just finished reading Mormon's Codex by John L. Sorenson, an emeritus professor of anthropology at BYU and scholar on Mesoamerica. With over 1000 pages (ebook) including an over 100 page Bibliography, he very convincingly shows how the Book of Mormon lands were probably in Mesoamerica, where there are ruins located in all of the places where the cities spoken of in the Book of Mormon were probably located. He showed how Joseph Smith couldn't have known all the mesoamericanisms (knowledge that is only known in/about Mesoamerica) that are present in the Book of Mormon to have been able to write the book himself. God was able to use this very imperfect man to bring forth this other Testament of Jesus Christ that validates and goes beyond the truths found in the Old and New Testaments.
While some imperfect men are writing documents trying to prove that the Old and New Testaments can't be believed literally, that they are just myths, other imperfect men like K.A. Kitchen, a Professor of Egyptology and Honorary Research Fellow at the School of Archaeology in England wrote a 662 pg. volume "On the Reliability of the Old Testament." He uses archaeology and ancient history to help establish that most of the book is historically reliable. And Professor F. F. Bruce wrote a book called "The New Testament Documents: Are They Reliable?" which helps to establish that that book is historically reliable as well.
We imperfect people are here on the earth to learn through experience what is good and what is evil - what is true and what is false. Some of us struggle to understand how a loving God could cause us to have to struggle through the trials of this life, the heartaches, illness and death, divorce, depression, miscommunications, same sex attraction with its physical, social and family challenges, war, abuse, deceptions, and the list can go on and on. Many but not all of these trials are brought about by imperfect people, who are doing their best to make themselves happy, but in the process are the impetus of making themselves and/or other people unhappy. God allows it because that's how we learn. Some of our trials are given to us to strengthen us spiritually. "I give men weakness that they may learn to be humble." I have found through experience that when I am truly humble it is easier to feel the guidance of the spirit.
As we stumble through this life with our imperfections, we can have solace in knowing that we have a loving Heavenly Father and older brother, Jesus Christ who are cheering us on. They are there watching over us and wanting to help us if we will only turn to them and ask. They are there, but they will not force themselves upon us if we reject them. They are there to strengthen us and guide us through this life if we can only exercise a particle of faith in them.
I hope that my imperfect attempt to share my thoughts today will be of use to someone who may be feeling depressed, as I did, getting caught dwelling on their imperfections and need to refocus on the purpose of life and our Heavenly Father and His Son who will heal our hearts and help us become our best selves.
