Bound to God

I have come to the realization recently that the covenants I have made with my Heavenly Father in His Holy Temple bind me to Him and to His Son Jesus Christ.  And because of that, and my faith and trust in them, any trial I have can be endured and can be a learning experience for me, knowing that this life is a test, to prepare us for Eternal Life and Eternal Happiness with our Heavenly Parents.

Because of the unbelief of a few of my children, at times I have asked myself if the gospel could be a lie?  How would believing that change my life?  I would be devastated.  If the gospel wasn't true, I could no longer have the hope of being with my parents and other loved ones again.  When I am feeling lonely or inadequate, where would I receive the peace and confidence that I needed? Of course there are loved ones I could go to for a pep talk, but people are human, and don't always know what to say or what we need to hear.  

But I have felt the Spirit too many times throughout my life to not believe that God lives.  Just the thought that I might be delusional brings a feeling of darkness into my life, of sadness and confusion.  If God isn't real, where does the joy and peace and happiness come from?  As I think that, I feel uplifted and happy again.  I cannot not believe that I have a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me and wants my eternal happiness!  

Lack of self esteem?  With God, all things are possible!  If I rely on myself, I have no confidence.  I know I don't have the talent or knowledge to fulfill all of my responsibilities.  I worry that my efforts aren't good enough, but when I rely on my God for help, He gives me the confidence I need to do whatever He wants me to do.  "I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me."  Just remembering that Christ suffered for all of my sins, insecurities, pains, etc. gives me the courage to carry on and trust that all will be well.

Physical pain?  Why do we have to go through physical pain in this life? I remember having a migraine headache once that consumed me.  I wasn't able to even think of anything else.  And I know there are those in the world who suffer from chronic pain every day.  It would be very difficult to carry on under those circumstances.  And yet, knowing that our Savior Jesus Christ suffered our pain, that He knows exactly how we feel, helps me to endure the pain.  I remember one day when I was having some kind of pain, I think it was stomach pain that was very hard to bear.  I remember praying to know what I was to learn from this.  Just knowing that this life is for us to gain experience helped me to get through it, and it seems that as soon as I acknowledged the fact that my pain was to give me experience and I even thanked God for the experience I was having, my pain started letting up from that moment.  I don't know if that would always happen.  Gratefully, I don't suffer from chronic pain, but I wonder if it would help others to thank God for the pain?

Loneliness?  I have had times of loneliness where I was in the midst of a crowd, many people around me laughing and talking and enjoying each other, and I felt alone, wrapped up in my own insecurities and feeling uncomfortable and wanting to escape.  When I was able to turn my thoughts to my Savior, and remember that He knew how I felt and that He loved me, I was able to relax and when I was able to remember that He loved all those people around me, I was able to look around for those in the crowd who seemed lonely and looked like they could use a friend.  Then as I went to them, I felt peace in knowing my actions were pleasing to my Heavenly Father.  It's not easy changing our mindset, but it's possible as we remember our Savior Jesus Christ and reach out to him in silent prayer.  He and our Heavenly Father can help us have a better perspective of the challenges we're going through.

Death of a loved one?  Without the beautiful teachings of the church that this life isn't the end, that life goes on forever and that our mortal life is a test to prepare us for the next life, I would be devastated.  If I thought I would never see my loved ones again, it would be horrible!  I don't know how people do it.  I'm grateful for my testimony of life after death and my perspective that death is just a part of our eternal progression.  Of course I'm sad that I won't have their presence in my life, but the hope of seeing them again, helps me to move on.

Mental illness, clinical depression?  I have a dear friend who suffers from PTSD along with other mental illnesses, but the way she copes is through her trust in her Savior Jesus Christ.  He helps her get through each day.  How do those who don't have a belief in God and in Jesus Christ cope with such debilitating mental illness?

Inequality?  Life is not fair.  If fair means equal for all people, then life isn't fair.  We can feel angry or hurt or jealous of others when we see they have so much more than we do, that their life seems so much happier than our life, or we can try to see the situation as Heavenly Father might look at it.  Perhaps their challenge in life is to hold onto and build their faith when things are going so well. They have the opportunity to reach out to help those around them who aren't so privileged. As in the Book of Mormon, when the people were thriving, they frequently turned from God and became prideful because of their riches.  It was the poor in worldly goods who were humble enough to listen to the word of God and who were willing to let Him into their lives.  Perhaps we need to ask God what He wants us to learn from our challenges and realize that as we confront those challenges with faith in Him, He gives us greater spiritual strength to overcome whatever might come next.

I have only mentioned a few of the trials we might have in this life, but with faith in God, and being bound to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, there is no trial that we can't overcome with their help!  

The Assurance of Things Hoped For

I have been pondering on the scripture from Hebrews 11:1 which says "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  The Joseph Smith Translation changes the word "substance" to "assurance."  This small change makes this scripture more understandable to me.   I have had many times in my life when I have felt that assurance that all would be well as I had hoped.  I remember times when one or more of my children didn't come home when they were supposed to, or I didn't know where they were.  As I prayed for them, I felt the spirit assuring me that they were okay, that all was well with them.  And when they got home, we discovered it to be true.  All was well.

I have felt that assurance when I needed to do something I didn't feel comfortable doing, such as visiting someone I didn't know, teaching a lesson or giving a talk.  It was that assurance from the Spirit that gave me the courage to do what I needed to do.  So the hope I had that all would be well, and that the Lord would help me, caused me to pray for that outcome which turned into faith, which was the assurance that my hope would be realized.  It became the evidence of things not seen.

A few years ago someone wrote a blogpost entitled "Faith is a Fallacy." I didn't like the title of this blogpost, but their reasoning was very thought provoking and caused me to again think about my own faith and why I have faith in God.  I knew I had many good reasons for having faith in God and so I started listing them.

One thing that helps me have faith is that I feel God's spirit with me most of the time.  When I'm in need of His spirit, it only takes a few seconds before I feel His guidance and comforting influence.  He is with me and I know it.  I can't SEE Him, but I FEEL Him.  It has taken me many years to get to the point where I can feel Him so often in my life.  I'm glad I didn't give up long ago. 

Another thing that has strengthened my faith is The Book of Mormon.  It is a powerful testament of Jesus Christ.  All of the prophets in the book testify of Him.  It even verifies and clarifies what we know from the Old Testament and New Testament about Jesus Christ.  He appeared to the Book of Mormon people and did much of what it says he did in the New Testament.  I have read all of the writings and arguments that try to dissuade people from believing in the Book of Mormon and have found that they really don't hold up under scrutiny.    

I could go on and on listing reasons for my faith, but the most compelling one for me is the assurance by the Spirit of the truth of this beautiful gospel of Jesus Christ.  It gives me the peace, comfort and joy to know that all of my children will be okay.  They all have different missions in life and are all learning the particular lessons they need to strengthen them so that they can fulfill their missions in the best way they possibly can.  God sees everything that will happen and will intervene as necessary for their eternal good.  The heartache, sorrow and disappointment in this life are just a moment in time, and in the end, I know they will all be okay.  I have that assurance, and through experience, I know I can trust in the Lord, that His promises through the Spirit are sure.  God is real.  He loves us so very much and will not require us to go through any more sorrow than is necessary for our eternal growth and well being.  

I love my Savior Jesus Christ and am grateful for his willingness to go through all that He did in order to help us be able to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father and be able to dwell with them both for eternity.  I am grateful for that hope and the assurance that it is true.

My Yoke is Easy

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; ... and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30.

“My yoke is easy and my burden is light." I haven't understood this verse in the New Testament until just recently. In our Sunday School class, our teacher showed a picture of two oxen yoked together. She also said that when there were two yoked together, the two had the capacity to pull a larger load than just 2 x one oxen. I also learned that when 2 oxen are yoked together, there is usually an older, experienced ox yoked with a younger inexperienced ox. That way the one can help the other learn how to pull the cart, not going too fast or too slowly. It finally made sense to me.

As we come unto Jesus Christ and learn of him and become yoked to him, he really does cause our burdens to become light. He helps us carry them. He knows the pitfalls of life to avoid and knows how to pull the load more efficiently. He keeps us from running faster than we have strength and he helps us to slow down and enjoy the journey.

When life gets us down, when we feel less than perfect and regret things we've said or done, when we're feeling stressed, depressed, unloved, confused, discouraged, or whatever it may be, if we try to carry our burdens by ourselves, we may feel even more stressed, discouraged and exhausted. But the answer to every dilemma is always Jesus Christ. He is the way. He is the way out of our difficulties. He knows us. He loves us and He knows what the solution is to whatever is causing us to feel down.

As we accept his yoke and learn of him, we are able to access his power to overcome whatever trial we're going through. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

I love him. I'm so grateful for his presence in my life. Now as I picture him beside me, I feel that my burdens really have become lighter and I feel the peace and rest that he speaks of.

Looking at Church History through the lens of the present

Looking at Church History through the lens of the present can be a real stumbling block to some people's testimonies.  Why is that?  If the issues were brought up one at a time, they would probably be able to get past it, and find answers to satisfy them, but there are websites and podcasts that have made it their mission to bring to light the things in the past that they feel negate the beauties of the gospel in the present.  I appreciate the website https://www.fairlatterdaysaints.org/ which helps put the past into perspective and also helps me to see which statements made by anti-Mormon sources are true, which ones are totally false, which ones have twisted the truth to mean something different and which are simply mistakes/errors.  The articles are fully sourced so the reader can look things up for themselves and come to their own conclusions.  I am grateful for this resource to help me hold on to and build my own faith and also clear out wrong assumptions I have had.

My Personal Faith Journey

As a teenager, I went through the normal stage of questioning what my parents taught me.  There were lots of churches on the earth, so how could I know that my church was the right one?  About this time when I was starting to wonder and doubt, I got my Patriarchal Blessing.  I think during that blessing it may have been one of the first times I really felt the Holy Ghost.  I left the Patriarch's home feeling confident that the Church was true.  I remember having twinges of doubt from time to time after that, but when I would hear the prophet speak, I would feel the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that he was truly a prophet of God.

 My dad gave me a father's blessing once as a teenager, telling me that I would serve a mission for the church.  I remember feeling very panicky about that.  I didn't want to serve a mission!  I was shy and I also didn't know enough about the gospel to be able to teach it to someone else!  Luckily (I thought at the time) I got married at the age of 19 so couldn't serve a mission because at that time girls had to wait until they were 21 to serve a mission.

We raised our children in the Church, teaching them the gospel.  We had regular Family Home Evenings, Family Scripture Study and Family Prayers and did our best to be good parents and live according to the council of our church leaders.  I thought our prophet and the apostles were perfect and never made any mistakes.  I thought our local church leaders (i.e. bishop and Relief Society President) were practically perfect people. I never saw or heard that they weren't so I continued to believe that until I was called to be a Ward Relief Society President.  I knew I wasn't perfect, so that was a beginning of knowing that local church leaders weren't perfect.  However, I continued to believe that the prophet and apostles were perfect.

Through the years I learned how to recognize personal revelation.  As Relief Society President, it was crucial as I made Visiting Teaching assignments.  It was crucial as a mother to know how to teach my children to do what was right.  My prayers became more effective as I grew in faith.  And with stronger faith, my prayers were answered more quickly.  And as my prayers were answered more quickly, it strengthened my faith and the cycle continued.  

The day came when my children were all grown and my husband and I were called to serve a mission for our church.  This was to be a temple mission, not a proselyting mission, so I still didn't need to teach the gospel.  Not too many months into that mission, our oldest son let us know that he didn't believe in the church any more.  This rocked my world.  I didn't know what to think!  We had taught him the best we knew how.  The church had blessed our lives and given us happiness, purpose and guidance.  What did we do wrong?  How had this happened?  I did all in my power to change his mind, with the result of causing him to not want to have much to do with me.

Our temple mission gave us plenty of spare time, so I spent my time reading and studying and trying to figure out why our son had decided the church wasn't true.  He suggested a few documents to read that reflected some of his beliefs.  This caused a bit of a crisis of faith for me, as I tried to determine if he could be right.  I read talks by early church leaders that were a bit disturbing as I had never heard them before.  As I read documents by disaffected members who would quote early and modern church leaders, I went to the original source and discovered that some of those quotes were taken out of context and weren't bad when in context.  That just made me feel like these disgruntled members were just trying to shine a bad light on these leaders.  So my faith stayed intact at that time.

Serving with us on that temple mission was a well-known church history historian who started giving the temple missionaries and other missionaries serving in the area lectures on the early lives of the modern day prophets, starting with Joseph Smith.  That was the beginning of my understanding that our leaders weren't all perfect.  They were and are human and can make mistakes just the same as anyone else.  They just know enough to repent more frequently and try to do better, just as we all need to repent frequently and try to do better every day.

These past several years have been hard ones spiritually and emotionally because some of my other children have also rejected the gospel of Jesus Christ which we taught them throughout their childhood.  Though it has been painful, for me it was a good thing for my own spiritual progression, because it caused me to really examine the teachings of my church and the history of it and the scriptures and come to an understanding of what exactly I believed and why.  It became painful and dark as I read through much anti Mormon literature, most by disaffected members.  I read the explanations by church leaders as to why things in the history of the church happened, to try to understand better.  I have tried to look at all of it logically, and with an open mind to determine if my children could be right, that the church isn't true.  

But if the church isn't true, what were the spiritual experiences I have had throughout my life?  They think I have been so indoctrinated that I wouldn't even consider that the church wasn't true.  They think my mind is closed to the idea.  But they are wrong.  I have studied and pondered and prayed to know the truth and have come through it all with a deeper, stronger faith, with a stronger foundation.  My faith before this experience was weak in comparison, but now it is strong.  The one thing that clinches it for me is the Book of Mormon.     

My faith that Joseph Smith was a true prophet comes from my faith in the Book of Mormon.  As I read from the Book of Mormon every day I know that Joseph could not have written it himself.  There is too much wisdom and knowledge that Joseph could not have known as a farmer with very little schooling.  He could have written it if he was inspired of God, but if he was inspired of God, why would he lie about it and say that he translated the book rather than that he wrote it under the inspiration of God?  If he was an evil man, I don't believe he could have written such beautiful words. 

I wrote this blogpost over 2 years ago!  I am through with being fearful of posting my thoughts and feelings. I will continue to post my progression as I search for light and truth. 

Love, Communication and Choice

Love - Love is kind.  Love is compassionate.  Love is understanding, willing to look at how someone else may be feeling.  Love is trying to imagine how someone else may be interpreting what is happening or what is said.  Love is being willing to look for the good in another person's words or behavior rather than focus on those things you don't agree with or that hurt your feelings.  Love is being humble enough to look at the unasked for advice you are given and examining it to see if it is valuable or if it's something you are already doing and it's not necessary or it's just not necessary for you.  Love is asking questions and communicating with someone rather than assuming the worst.  I have had both experiences recently.  The one I felt loved and the other I felt unloved, rejected and misunderstood.

As my mind ages, I have a tendency to forget things I have said and will repeat myself.  You have probably had the experience of an elderly person repeating the same stories over and over.  Well now that I am 70, I'm afraid I may be doing the same thing.  I texted some unsolicited advice to one of my daughters recently that ended up hurting her and causing her to feel like I wasn't happy with her.  But instead of assuming that was the case, and just feeling bad because of that assumption, she called me to get clarification about what I had said.  Apparently I had given the same advice 5 times!  I wasn't upset with her and had just forgotten I had already told her that piece of advice.  I am so glad she didn't dwell on her hurt feelings and called me instead to clear the air!  It gave me a chance to explain myself and reassure her that I wasn't upset with her in the least.  Because of her call I felt loved.  I felt like our relationship was valuable enough to her for her to be willing to reach out to me.  This strengthened our relationship and strengthened my love for her.

Another loved one has already given up on our relationship.  He can only see me in the worst light.  I would love to heal our relationship, but he has taken away every avenue for doing that.  I can't call, text, email or even visit his home.  It reminds me of  the behavior of the parents and families of some new converts of the church.  They determined that their son or daughter was no longer worthy to be a part of their family if they turned their back on what they had been taught all of their lives.  And yet I still love him with all my heart. He is the one who has turned his back on what we taught him all his life.  He has chosen a different path.  But it doesn't cause us to want to disown him.  We still love him and want to have a loving relationship with him.  Is it possible to have a good relationship with someone who thinks so differently about life and religion?  Is it possible to enjoy conversation, or is it necessary to believe the same things to be able to communicate at all?  

Perhaps the problem is that I haven't listened carefully enough to try to understand his point of view better.   He has said over and over that he didn't choose to not believe in the church or believe in God.  It was all the evidence that he found that cinched it for him.  However in our last conversation I said something about him choosing not to believe the church was true.  This was a stupid thing for me to say, because I knew how strongly he felt about it, and yet I was feeling relaxed enough that I just said what came to mind.  After he said he didn't want to have anything to do with me ever again, I sent an email hoping to soften my words, where I apologized for saying he chose to not believe.  I apologized because I knew that what I said was the wrong thing to say, but I wasn't apologizing for believing that.  In my last blogpost, I again said that we choose what we believe.  Because I said that, he believes I was being dishonest in my email to him.  It was a mistake for me to apologize for my statement.  It definitely backfired and didn't help our relationship in the least.

Our beliefs are so very different and it seems that in his mind, the fact that I can't see eye to eye with him, means my mind is closed and his beliefs aren't valid to me. We are both trying to live lives of integrity and yet in his mind, I have lost my integrity.  But during the last week or so, in trying to see things from his perspective, I think I understand why he said he didn't choose to not believe the church is true, instead, he took all the evidence he had found and felt like it was obvious and should be obvious to everyone.  Because it wasn't obvious to me, he thought I was brainwashed and wouldn't take him seriously.  That can be very hurtful when something you believe very strongly isn't believed by someone you care about.  He must have been very frustrated that I couldn't see his point of view.  That probably caused him to feel rejected, because I was rejecting his views without seemingly investigating those views.  For him, if I had just had an open mind, I would see things the way he did.  I think he probably did want to believe the church was true because of all the beautiful and comforting doctrines it teaches and was probably devastated when he came to believe that it wasn't true and that God didn't even exist!  What a horrible thing to happen in someone's life!  And then to have his loved ones not even want to consider that he may be right.  He must have felt alone and isolated, rejected and misunderstood.  

Now, he just seems angry with me.  But my heart continues to reach out to him.  As I have been contemplating how he must have felt and how he probably feels now, I believe he is hurting probably as much as I am.  I want to take him in my arms and comfort him.  I want to be vulnerable enough to allow him to tell me everything he has wanted to tell me.  I want to be strong enough to not fall apart at his words.  And I hope the day will come when he will be vulnerable enough to allow me to share with him all the things I have to say to him without him rejecting me again and again.  Can't we just love each other in spite of our differences?  Can't we be solid enough in our relationship to not feel threatened because we believe different things?  Authenticity is important to him.  Is it possible for us both to be authentic with each other and allow each other the space to grow and develop without rejecting the other?  Can we be imperfect human beings and still be friends?

Feelings, Doubts, Choice and Faith

 A few years ago I came across a video posted on Facebook that was quite disturbing.  I think the purpose of the video was to cause doubt about the trustworthiness of our feelings.  The first part of the video started with the testimonies of some of those in the cult Heaven's Gate who ultimately committed suicide, convinced that by doing so they would be picked up by an alien spacecraft and "transformed through biological and chemical processes to perfected beings." 

That was followed by testimonies of people from different churches saying that they knew their church was true.  I believe this was to discourage and confuse those of us in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who believe that our church is the only true church on the earth.  I remember watching the video several times, trying to make sense of it.  I felt confused and a bit depressed.  But answers came as I pondered and prayed about it.  I realized that not all feelings are to be trusted, especially if acting on them would cause harm to yourself or others.  I learned through study and by faith that other churches have a lot of truth and many are trying to follow Jesus Christ to the very best of their abilities and the knowledge they have.  It's not surprising to me at all now that others might receive a testimony that their church is true.  I'm just grateful for the additional truth that our Church has to offer.

Around the same time as the video was posted, someone posted a link to a letter which was also full of disconcerting questions that cast doubt on the veracity of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith along with all the other questions critics of the church have brought up time and time again since the church was organized.  Because one of my loved ones had left the church a few years before, I had already studied many of the questions and found answers that satisfied me.  I still had a testimony that the church was true, but the video and letter again challenged my testimony and caused me to reexamine my beliefs.  I remember talking with another loved one around that time and they shared that the magic was gone concerning the gospel.  Now that doubt had entered in, it let in an underlying sadness into their life.  I felt that was true for me as well for a time, but as I have continued to study and pray, my faith in God has only become stronger. I have learned more about what the gospel really teaches and have let go of some of the incorrect understandings that have creeped into mine and other members of the church's beliefs.  My husband and I started reading more than ever and listening to audio books that helped give answers to the questions.  Our testimonies have become more rooted in truth rather than tradition.

I think the reason I was able to hold onto my testimony through this difficult time is because I already had a relationship with God.  I knew Him.  I felt his presence in my life every day.  He gave me solace when I was sad.  He gave me guidance when I didn't know what to do.  He gave me assurance that all would be well when I was worried about something or someone.  The interesting thing to me is that when the doubt entered in, I felt darkness.  I didn't feel the Spirit.  I felt confusion.  Gratefully, as I studied the scriptures and the words of modern prophets and the words of other inspired people, my faith became strong again.   My faith in my Savior Jesus Christ has become more sure.  And as my faith in God has become more sure, the magic has returned.  I believe again in miracles.  During this Christmas Season, my heart is full of love for others and the joy of knowing God really is there.  He really does love me and will help me through the trials of life.

It is definitely a choice to believe or not to believe.  The reason I say that is that there are a plethora of writings on both sides of every question.  If you decide you don't believe in God or that Jesus Christ is our Savior, there are writings that will support you in that belief.  But turn around and decide that you do believe in God and Jesus Christ and the pendulum swings the other way.  There is so much evidence to support a belief in God and in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  My life is better when my faith is strong.  My faith gives me the ability to feel the Spirit more strongly and more often and it gives me the answers to the questions of my soul.  I love my Heavenly Father so much and I love my Savior Jesus Christ.  I know I can trust them.  

Here are some of the books we have read during the past few years that have answered our questions, corrected our erroneous beliefs and helped us hold on to our faith and strengthen it: 

The Crucible of Doubt by Terryl and Fiona Givens

The Faith of a Scientist by Henry Eyring (father of Pres. Henry B. Eyring)

Let's Talk about Faith and Intellect by Terryl Givens

Panther to Priesthood by Eddie Leroy Willis

The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens

Let's Talk about the Book of Abraham by Kerry Muhlestein

The Doors of Faith by Terryl Givens

Let's Talk about Religion and Mental Health by Daniel K. Judd

The Spirit of Revelation by David A. Bednar

Let's Talk about Polygamy by Brittany Chapman Nash

Where the Soul Hungers by Samuel M. Brown

A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked by Ben Schilaty (a gay member)

Real vs. Rumor by Keith A. Erekson

Feelings by Matthew O. Richardson

All Things New by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens

10 Reasons Why Joseph Smith Is a Prophet by Anthony Sweat

Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund

The Second Coming of the Lord by Gerald N. Lund

What Seek Ye? by S. Michael Wilcox

Without the Mask by Charles Bird (a gay member)

The Christ Who Heals by Terryl Givens and Fiona Givens

Answers will Come by Shalissa Lindsay

The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson

Faith Is Not Blind by Bruce C. Hafen, Marie K. Hafen

Knowing Why: 127 MORE Evidences That the Book of Mormon is True by BoM Central

A Reason for Faith by Laura Harris Hales

The Heavens Are Open by Wendy Watson Nelson

Seekers Wanted by Anthony Sweat

Falling to Heaven: The Surprising Path to Happiness by James L. Ferrell

Insights from a Prophet's Life: Russell M. Nelson by Sheri Dew

To Draw Closer to God by Henry B. Eyring

Planted: Belief and Belonging in an Age of Doubt by Patrick Q. Mason

Getting at the Truth: Responding to Difficult Questions by Robert L. Millet

The Little Book of Book of Mormon Evidences by John Hilton III

Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Richard L. Anderson

Leap of Faith: Confronting the Origins of the BoM by Bob Bennett

An Ancient American Setting for the Book of Mormon by John L. Sorenson

Reexploring the Book of Mormon by John W. Welch

Case of the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Eldin Ricks

Shaken Faith Syndrome by Mike Ash

Reflections of a Scientist by Henry Eyring

That We May Be One by Tom Christofferson (a gay member)

Our Adventure

During this time when we are tuned to the things we are grateful for, I feel grateful for the experience my husband and I had a few weeks ago as we celebrated our 50th Wedding anniversary by going on our first cruise.  It didn't go as planned and yet my husband and I felt like we were on an adventure and each time we supposedly had a setback, we were able to look at it calmly and kind of with a feeling of excitement wondering what was going to happen next!  First, our flight to Paris where we were to get a connecting flight to Rome where our cruise was to begin, was late and we missed our connecting flight and missed the opportunity to go to the Rome Temple, one of the highlights we were so excited to do.  But though we felt disappointed, we didn't feel anxious or upset about it.  We were able to get another flight that got us to Rome the same day, but too late to even drive by the Temple.  

We went on and enjoyed our tours of Rome and then of Greece and Turkey and just before we got to the Holy Land, the greatest purpose for our cruise, I started to get sick.  I spent a day in our cabin, resting and then the night before we landed in Haifa, I took a Covid test, just to make sure I didn't have that.  It was negative, so we just donned our masks and set out with our tour group and enjoyed seeing the Holy Land.  I felt so grateful for the opportunity and in certain places such as in Capernaum where Jesus walked and in the Garden of Gethsemane I felt something sacred there.  While we were in Israel, my husband started to get sick too.  He was pretty miserable for much of our tours there, but since my test was negative, we assumed we just both had colds.  

We got back on the ship and went to the Island of Cyprus where we got off briefly and toured an old Castle museum.  When we got back to the ship, we had my husband take our last Covid test since his cold seemed worse than mine.  His was positive!  So then I went down to the ship's doctor and was tested as well.  This time my test was positive!  This meant we had to isolate for 5 days.  However our flight home was in 3 days and Rome wouldn't let us off the ship within 5 days of a positive Covid test.  Again we just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and laughed!  Of course we felt sorry that we had exposed our tour group to Covid unknowingly, but we also felt relieved that we were able to enjoy all of the tours we had planned.

So for the next 5 days we had to stay in our cabin and actually got moved to another cabin in an area for those who were sick.  Our cabin looked the same, but we didn't have the daily visit of the steward who would make our bed and leave a chocolate on our pillow every night.  We adjusted and didn't really mind spending so much time in the cabin.  We got room service for all of our meals and got a complimentary laundry service and premium internet.  We enjoyed listening to a few audio books and looking out the window at the sea and watching the crew take the life boats down and ride them around to test them out.  We felt relaxed and not anxious at all until I started figuring out how we were to get home.   The cruise line invited us to stay on for the next two week cruise which would be stopping in Spain and the Bahamas and end up in Fort Lauderdale.  It would be complimentary.  We only thought about that briefly because many of those days would be Sea days and since we aren't swimming pool people, it didn't sound very appealing.  But getting off the ship in Spain sounded very exciting!  

So on Monday, our 5th day, we were allowed to get off the ship in Valencia, Spain where we took a train to Madrid.  The next day we got to go to the Madrid Temple!  I had wanted to go to Spain some day and this was a dream come true!  So we felt like God had given us a tender mercy.  In place of not being able to go to the Rome Temple, He let us go to the Spain Madrid Temple.  At one point as we were coming back in the evening to the hotel after our session, we got off the bus too soon and found ourselves lost, but I still felt calm and we soon encountered a friendly couple who guided us to a place where we could get a taxi.  They were so nice that we didn't feel anxious or abandoned.  Luckily we both speak Spanish so we were able to communicate with them just fine.  Again we felt watched over and protected.

The next day we got to the airport early for our flight home.  All went well until we got on the plane.  There was just a slight delay because one of the doors wouldn't shut completely.  Finally we got underway, but after about 30 minutes in flight, we were notified that the flight had to return to Madrid because there was no oxygen on board.  Apparently there had been a leak in the system.  Again, we just felt excited to see what was going to happen next!  When we got back to Madrid, we stayed on board for awhile while the technicians studied the issue and finally they told us that the flight was cancelled and they would be putting everyone up in a hotel and the flight would go the following day!  

It took awhile for us all to get on the buses with our luggage and get checked in to the Marriot Hotel but we did and we all got complimentary meals which were delicious!  We got lunch and dinner that day and breakfast the following morning and then headed to the airport again, and this time everything went well and we made our flight and our connecting flight in New York and got home safe and sound!

What could have been a traumatic and disappointing and frustrating trip turned in to an adventure for us.  We truly enjoyed the conversations we had with our fellow passengers through this whole experience and were happy to see that many of them had the same feelings we did about it.  Others however felt anxious and upset and angry.  I felt sorry for them and the stewardess who had to deal with them.

I am grateful for a husband who is able to take things in stride and not stress over them.  I am grateful for the understanding I have that one of the main purposes of life is to learn and gain experience.  I am grateful for the peace and calm we were able to feel that allowed us to relax and just enjoy the ride.  Our lives are not always so peaceful, so I feel especially grateful for this experience.

The Amazing Power of Faith and the Cellphone

"What power does your faith give you?" This was the question given in response to my daughter's statement "I don't want to lose the power my faith gives me."  She showed me the emails she and a loved one who had lost his faith had been writing to each other.  This has caused me much reflection in the years since then but I have found some answers that I want to share.

At first, I thought, well, my faith isn't strong enough to move mountains.  I don't see many miracles in my life so what power does my faith really give me?  It really caused me to reflect on what exactly is the power of faith?  These are some of the answers that have come as I have reflected and pondered on the subject.

My faith in God gives me the power to feel the Spirit of the Lord every day.  He's there and I know it, not just because I've been told He's there, but because I feel Him.  Being able to feel His presence in my life has become stronger and stronger as my faith has grown.  

My faith in God gives me the power to receive and recognize answers to my prayers.  With that power, I am never truly on my own, struggling for answers.

My faith in God gives me the power to act in confidence, even when it's something that is out of my comfort zone.  The power of the Spirit gives me the reassurance that I can do it and that He will help me accomplish whatever it is He wants me to do.

My faith in God gives me the power to feel peace, even when bad things happen.  With an Eternal perspective, I can ask the Lord what I am to learn from the situation.  I know that the Savior descended below all things and that He knows what is happening and has felt the pain and anguish and can give the comfort and reassurance needed if we will only have faith in Him. 

I have noticed that when my faith is weak, when I have read something or heard something that causes some doubt to enter in, I don't feel the power as strong.  I have a harder time feeling the Spirit.  I don't recognize answers to my prayers.  I'm more timid about doing things out of my comfort zone and it's harder to see the purpose of trials in life.

I was talking about this with my husband one day and he suggested that it was kind of like talking on a cellphone.  When I have the cellphone to my ear, I can hear the person I'm talking to (in this case, Heavenly Father) and He hears me and answers my questions and listens to my concerns and gives me advice.  There is two way communication. But when I become unsure that He is there, or when I forget He's there, it's like I am moving the cellphone away from my ear so it's harder to hear Him.  And if I put the cellphone down and walk away it's like I have rejected Him.  But He's still there, waiting for me to continue the conversation.  He hasn't left me, I have left Him.

I know Heavenly Father is still there, loving us and waiting for us to pick up the cellphone (in prayer) and talk with Him about our concerns and listen to the counsel he has to give us.  To me this is the amazing power of faith in God.  It gives me the power with His help, to move the metaphorical mountains in my life and expect miracles to happen.

A Story of Strength

 A short time ago my granddaughter texted me with a request.  Her seminary teacher had assigned her to ask a parent or grandparent to share a story of strength with her.  As I pondered on this topic, the only story of strength I could think of in my own life, was the knowledge that my strength comes from my faith in God.  My faith is what gives me the strength to carry on from day to day, emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.

My faith in the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge of where I came from, why I am here on this earth with all of its trials and blessings, and where I will go after this life, gives me the strength and courage to carry on.  It helps me feel like it's all worth the effort.  When I am sick or in pain, my faith helps me remember that one of the purposes of this life is to gain experience and it helps me deal with the pain, and surprisingly sometimes the discomfort goes away more quickly than I would have expected when I thank God for the experience.  When I am sad because of a death of someone I care about, my faith helps me see things in perspective and know that the day will come when I will see them again and gives me strength to carry on.  When I am hurt by the words or actions of another person, my faith helps me deal with the emotions and helps me see things in perspective. I know that it's between them and God and I don't need to internalize the hurt, and that knowledge gives me the strength to feel compassion for them instead of anger or hatred.  

Knowledge is power!  Faith is power!  Knowing that I have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ helps me through every crisis.  Knowing I can access them personally in private prayer and feel the answers to my prayers gives me hope and strengthens my faith.  Every time I receive an answer to my prayers, it strengthens my faith.  And as my faith becomes stronger, the answers to my prayers come more clearly and quickly.  Because I expect and know that my prayer will be answered, my faith is strengthened and the cycle continues...  

As I study the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon and internalize its teachings, my faith is strengthened and I feel their truthfulness and have experienced their truth.  For example, in 1 Nephi 10:19 -

For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round.

I have had the experience of having the mysteries of God unfolded to me by the power of the Holy Ghost.   It came after diligently seeking the Lord through prayerful study of the scriptures and through sincere prayer.  I have experienced the "enlightened understanding" and "deliciousness" of the word as spoken of in Alma 32:28.

Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

Without my faith in God, I would be weak.  I would be left to my own power and my own judgment which does not always serve me.  However "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me."  (Philippians 4:13) 

In the book of Mosiah, Alma and his people were being persecuted by Amulon and were forbidden to pray vocally and were treated like beasts of burden.  But instead of stopping their prayers, they continued to pray silently.

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." (Mosiah 24:15)

I have faith that these words are true because I have experienced the strengthening power of the Lord.  The Book of Mormon strengthens my faith and comforts me through its teachings.

And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness. (1Nephi 17:3)

I am grateful for my faith and the strength and power it gives me to accomplish all the things I want to do and feel the Lord would have me do.  

The Natural Man

In the Book of Mormon, in Mosiah 3:19 it says "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever..."  I have heard people stop there and think that God considers them His enemy.  And also in Helaman 12:7 how it says "O how great is the ^anothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are ^bless than the dust of the earth."  If we stop there, it sounds like we really are worthless souls!  Does God really consider us worthless and His enemy?  

This morning I was reading a Conference talk and went to the footnotes and saw this scripture in 1 Corinthians 2:14 where it says "But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

This scripture helps me understand a little better what Mosiah 3:19 may mean.  If we take the things of the spirit of God to be foolishness, then we are alienating ourselves from God.  And by alienating ourselves from God we are unable to understand the things of the Spirit because they are only to be understood through the Spirit.  If we alienate ourselves from God, we may become His enemy by fighting against Him.

The rest of Mosiah 3:19 says: "unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

This may be hard for some to take, because becoming as a child, submissive, meek and humble, etc. is against their nature.  The idea of giving up our own will in submission to our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ can be a hard one, when we value our own will.  It may be hard and even scary to give up our own will to accept what God wants us to do.  The difference between us and a child is that a child usually trusts their father.  

What happens as we get older?  Teenagers usually go through a phase where they may not be quite as obedient to their parents.  They want to try their wings and do their own thing.  It's usually not until they are parents and have their own children that they realize that maybe their parents knew more than they thought.  Then sometimes they appreciate what their parents taught them and understand better the intentions of their parents.

Let's consider Helaman 12:8.  After verse 7 where it says the children of men are less than the dust of the earth, Helaman 8 goes on to say why.  It talks about the power of God and how he can command the dust of the earth.  He can cause the hills and mountains to quake and be broken up and become smooth.  He can cause the earth to stand still, the waters of the deep to be dried up, mountains to move, etc. etc.  I think the reason we are less than the dust of the earth is because we don't always obey Him as the dust and the earth and the mountains do.  

In Helaman 12:23 it says "Therefore, blessed are they who will repent and hearken unto the voice of the Lord their God; for these are they that shall be saved."

Verse 25: And I would that all men might be saved...

So from these scriptures I understand that God wants us to submit our will to His, and in return He will save us.  But my experience with being submissive to God, hasn't been a trial or something bad.  Submitting to God makes me free.  It helps me to know what to do.  When I obey Him and do what the Spirit prompts me to do, things go better than when I just do what I want to do.  The idea is to get to the point where we want the same things as God does;  because those things always bring a deeper joy than when we go against His will and do our own thing.  My experience has been that I can trust Him.  Things always go better in my life and I am happier when I follow the promptings I receive from Him. 

Firewalking and Faith

Several weeks ago my husband and I met a man who claimed to be a fire walker.  It was fascinating hearing his story.  He had been an alcoholic and a drug addict and fire walking saved his life.  He didn’t consider himself a member of any church, but he definitely believed in God.  He felt that it was spirituality and love that allowed him to walk on the hot coals.  He didn’t believe that faith in God had anything to do with it, but he shared that others thought it was their faith that allowed them to do it.  It was a very interesting discussion.  He mentioned how someone who got burnt would be able to cross back over the coals when they would forgive themselves for it and on the other side, the burns would be gone.  

This caused me to remember an experience I had one day when I was in a lot of pain.  To help me through it, I reminded myself of the purpose of life - to gain experience and so at that point, I thanked God for the painful experience I was going through.  I noticed shortly thereafter that the pain was gone.  

When I got home from the firewalker's home, I looked up fire walking on the internet and found several websites that talked about the science behind it.  Apparently, it’s not so miraculous, although there are some guidelines that need to be adhered to in order to not get burnt.  You can do a Google search if you want to know more about it.  

The interesting thing to me is that doing something like fire walking can make a huge difference in the life of someone who has lost control of himself.  He was addicted to drugs and wanted desperately to be free from them but felt helpless to do so until he was introduced to fire walking.  It gave him the confidence he needed to change his life for the better.  Now he is teaching this skill and helping others.

What would happen to this man if he found out that what he is doing isn’t as miraculous as he thought it was?  Would he go back to his drugs?  Or would the change be a permanent change?  I would hope it would be a permanent change as he found out what life could be without the chains of drug addiction.

What about those of us who love God and whose lives are made beautiful and even miraculous because of our faith in Him and in His Son?  What would happen to us if we found out that God is not real and that the Bible truly is myth?  What happens to the miracles that we have seen in our lives because of our faith?  Would we ever be able to see miracles again?   What would happen to our faith?  

The longer I live, the more I discover there is to learn.  Many things that seemed miraculous to people years ago, like a match causing fire, a camera being able to make a picture of a person, planes being able to fly.  These were miracles to those who didn't know the science behind it.  I think it will be very interesting when we learn the science of how Jesus was able to walk on water.  I am learning that our minds are very powerful.  In general, if we believe we can't do something, we usually can't.  If we believe we can do something, we often can.  Our beliefs are very powerful.  In the scriptures it says that by faith the worlds were made.  So if it takes faith to create a world, then it seems that faith is one of the most powerful things that we should develop while in this earthly existence.

At those times when my faith is strongest, I feel wonderful!  I feel so happy and confident.  I feel like I can do anything the Lord wants me to do.  My inhibitions and fears go away and everything seems possible.  I feel joyful and peaceful at those times.  But occasionally, when I first wake up in the morning, I feel sad.  I still have my faith in God to help me get over the sadness quite quickly, but when I think about the reasons for my sadness, I have to cry a bit first.  I have loved ones who have rejected me along with my faith.  I don't know what to do about it.  They want me to stop doing the things that bring me the greatest happiness, like talking about the gospel, bearing my testimony, posting faith based things on Facebook.  What would happen to me if I stopped doing those things?  Those things that make me the happiest?  I stopped for a little while, but didn't feel good about it.  

But if I want a relationship with them, it seems that's what I need to do.  Would that really make them happier when they sense that I'm not happy giving up the things that bring me the most happiness?  Sharing my faith is how I show love, because I want others to feel the joy that I feel.  But they don't feel the joy I feel.  They don't believe what I believe, and I guess I just keep reminding them of what they have given up.  Is there a way for us to just love each other unconditionally?  I love them unconditionally, but they don't feel it.  I would love to have a relationship with them once more, but is it possible?  Is our relationship destined to just be awkward as we avoid any mention of the things that mean the most to us?  I hope the day will come when we can talk about the things that mean the most to us without feeling threatened,  to be able to share our ideas and feelings and try to understand each other without requiring the other one to change who they are and what they believe.  I hope it's possible with all my heart.  Is it possible?

More Things I Know

During one of the talks in Sacrament Meeting a few months ago, before the Pandemic, I especially loved the following quote the speaker shared by Harry Emerson Fosdick who wrote the following, “Some Christians carry their religion on their backs. It is a packet of beliefs and practices which they must bear. At times it grows heavy and they would willingly lay it down, but that would mean a break with old traditions, so they shoulder it again. But real Christians do not carry their religion, their religion carries them. It is not weight; it is wings. It lifts them up, it sees them over hard places, it makes the universe seem friendly, life purposeful, hope real, sacrifice worthwhile. It sets them free from fear, futility, discouragement, and sin—the great enslavers of men’s souls. You can know a real Christian, when you see him, by his buoyancy.” This rang true for me. The only thing I would add is that a real Christian is Christlike. They radiate love and kindness to others.

A year and a half ago I wrote a blog post called Things I Know. here In this blogpost I would like to expand and add to the things I said then.

I know that truth is truth, even if few people believe it.

I know that mankind is fallible. I know that there are no perfect people who have ever lived on the earth except for Jesus Christ (in whom I strongly believe). Most people, including the prophets, learn from making mistakes. It's a part of this life. I know that sometimes we put our trust in those whom we shouldn't and sometimes we believe things that aren't true. I think when we become aware of those mistakes, it's good to admit it rather than hide or excuse them.

I know that our subjective experiences are not always the same as another's. We shouldn't assume, as I have in the past, that others will have the same experience we do if they do the same things we do. We need to be more understanding and sympathetic of the needs and feelings of others and not negate their subjective experiences. Those experiences are valid to them.

I know that millions of people all over the world (inside and outside of the Church) have felt what they believe is the spirit of God in their lives giving them comfort and guidance. And I believe that telling any of them that the spiritual feelings they have had are somehow not valid, isn't being helpful, but is being demeaning and disrespectful, unless what they believe is spiritual guidance is clearly destructive and harmful.

I know that learning all we can about what we have been taught to believe is a wise thing to do to determine for ourselves if it is really true.  But we need to be aware that our study can destroy or strengthen that belief, according to the integrity and diligence of those whose writings we study. I believe we should study a wide variety of sources, not all being supportive to what we want to be true, but realizing that sometimes critics have a tendency to look for the negative and assume the worst in every situation, rather than looking at all of the evidence.

I know that most people are doing the best they know how with the knowledge and understanding that they currently have. Most people listen to their conscience. Those who don't are the ones who make life miserable for others and themselves.

I know that there is much good inside and outside of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And the Church teaches its members to embrace all truth wherever it is found.

I know that the prophets and the Book of Mormon have taught us that we don't need to obey them or the scriptures blindly, but that we can and should gain our own testimony of the truthfulness of what they say or of anything else. We should never obey anyone "blindly."

I know from a report I read recently about the mental health of BYU students related to their belief in grace vs. legalism, that many church members, including some of my loved ones, don't understand the blessing of the grace of God. grace-legalism If they did, and believed it, they would know that we have no need to hate ourselves or belittle ourselves or feel like we are unworthy when we make a mistake or when we don't believe the same as someone else. We are enough if we live with integrity according to what we believe to be true and continue to improve ourselves the best we can. 

I know that the Book of Mormon testifies of the reality of Jesus Christ. Along with the Bible, it teaches us about His atonement for our sins and adds that he also experienced our sicknesses, pains, temptations and anguish so that He would be able to succor us in our trials when no one else can.

I know that the Church teaches its members to be like Jesus Christ, to follow His example, to love one another and serve one another.   

I know that the prophets and apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teach principles of the gospel that if believed and followed would bless and have blessed millions of lives with joy and peace.

I know that if we can understand and believe the plan of happiness as taught by the Church and the Book of Mormon, and that this life is just a moment in eternity, a learning ground, then it can make our experience here on the earth become deeply meaningful and even joyful.

I know that living my life as a Christian, specifically as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints "lifts me up, sees me over hard places and makes the universe seem friendly, life purposeful, hope real, and sacrifice worthwhile. It sets me free from fear, futility, discouragement, and sin." It brings me joy, hope and peace.

You Have Not Understood

Many years ago I was a Visiting Teacher to a less active sister and while we visited, I sensed that she had a very low feeling of self worth. To try to cheer her up I told her that she was a child of God. To this she came back with something like: "Everyone is a child of God, so how does that make me special?" I tried to explain, but my explanation didn't satisfy her, so I told her I would study it out and have some answers for her the next month.

I remember pondering on this question a lot during the following days. I seem to remember rocking one of my small children in our rocking chair one day and thinking about how much I loved this little girl. This was my 4th child and I was pregnant with our 5th. My thoughts went back to when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and wondering if I would be able to love that baby as much as I loved our first. Of course my love for our 2nd child and then our 3rd and 4th was just as much. My love wasn't divided into smaller portions, but instead it was multiplied so I had just as much love for each of our children. They were each one special to me and an important part of my life. (And now I have 11 children and 40 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild and still my love is multiplying so I have enough for all of them.)

Then my thoughts went to our Heavenly Father, and knowing how my love multiplies, I knew that His does too.  He has an infinite amount of love that extends to include every one of his Spirit children whom He knows intimately, even more than I know my children. He knows our needs, our desires, our hearts, our weaknesses, our strengths and our talents. (Today I also think of His Son and our advocate, Jesus Christ, who along with the Father knows us even to having felt our pain and anguish.) Comparing my love and deep affection for my children with God's love for His children helped me to understand how it could be done. The next time I met with that sister, I was able to share these thoughts and others with her, and it gave her much comfort.

But some might ask, if God is our loving Heavenly Father, why doesn't life seem fair?  Why are we even on this earth where so many suffer from physical and emotional pain, disability, racism, abuse, ignorance and poverty, etc. etc. and others seem to have all the blessings of good health, luxury, education and loving, nurturing homes?  Why does God allow bad things to happen to people who are doing their best to do the right things?  And why do some of His children feel His love and hear His voice and others don't?

I don't know the answers to all of these questions, but what helps me to understand some of them a little better is when again, my thoughts turn to my own children. Each one is very different. They don't have the same talents or interests or personalities or capacities. When our children were young, I sometimes wished I could treat each one of them differently because they each had different needs, but I didn't think that would be fair. I didn't always know what their needs were, but I learned that what worked for one didn't always work for the others.  I was occasionally overwhelmed with so many children, especially when sometimes they all seemed to need my attention at the same time. I don't regret having so many children, but I regret that I couldn't figure out a way to give them all the attention they needed.   Looking back, I wish I could have somehow convinced my children of the need for us as parents to treat each one differently. I don't think it occurred to me at the time that it was even an option.

On the other hand, Heavenly Father isn't limited at all in the way I was as a mother. He knows exactly what trials, challenges and circumstances each one of His children needs for their highest growth and progression. And it's because of that, that we are going through this moment in the eternities. The late self-help author and motivational speaker, Wayne Dyer liked to say "We are spiritual beings having a mortal experience."  I sometimes wonder if those with the worst trials could have asked for them in the preexistence so they would be that much farther ahead in their learning and progression. We can't see how those challenges could bless us when we're in the middle of them, and we may feel like it's not fair that we have to go through them, but I can look back at the trials and challenges I have had in my life and with hindsight I recognize them for the blessing and growth they were. Even right now as I am going through one of the worst trials of my life, I can see how my knowledge and understanding of what this life is all about has grown and my faith and trust in God has gotten stronger.   

Because Heavenly Father loves us so much, He has not left us to navigate this life on our own. God is in the details of our lives. He sends angels to help watch over us and He has given everyone the Light of Christ, or our conscience to help us make good choices if we will listen to it.  He knew that as mortal beings we would make mistakes and sin, that we wouldn't have the ability to live perfect lives and being unclean, we wouldn't be able to live with Him again. This includes even his servants, the prophets who were chosen in the preexistence.  Like the rest of us, they also had to learn and grow and make mistakes and repent.  That's how we all learn!  For this purpose, He sent His son, Jesus Christ, God of the Old Testament to come down to the earth to gain a body, to experience mortality and to be a perfect example for us to follow.  Jesus Christ, being a God already, had the capacity to suffer and die for the sins of every one of us, satisfying the demands of justice and making it possible for us to eventually make it back to God's presence through our repentance and His grace.  In every dispensation, God has sent His servants to teach us about Jesus Christ, to teach us of His coming and His atonement for our sins.  Through them we have the Bible, and when the time came that the Bible wasn't enough, He gave us the Book of Mormon, another Testament of Christ to validate the truths and restore lost truths that once were in the Bible.

I remember times when my young children wanted to do things "all by themselves." Usually, that was a good thing, because we are here to learn and gain experience and make mistakes and repent and keep learning and growing. But sometimes it was very frustrating for the child. Sometimes they needed just a little bit of help and then they could finish by themselves. Sometimes I could give them a little help without them even realizing it and they were so happy, thinking they had done it by themselves. But oh the anger and frustration when they wanted to do something by themselves and they couldn't quite do it! I think God looks at us in those times when we're frustrated and wishes we would just ask for a little help from Him and then we could do it. And sometimes He gives us a little help and we don't recognize it or give Him any thanks for it. Then there are other times when He knows that we need the experience of doing it all by ourselves. I believe those are the times when He knows we can do it and that there is a lesson in it that we are to learn. 

I enjoy spending time with my children, conversing with them and appreciating their talents. I find pleasure in watching their interactions with each other and their children. I am pleased with their acts of compassion and the people of integrity they have grown to be. Most feel my love and we are able to converse naturally, but others have a harder time feeling my love and have even distanced themselves from me because they don't recognize my efforts to show my love and we don't see eye to eye on the things that are most important to us. This rejection causes a lot of pain and I weep for them. But as I try to understand their hearts, I realize they are good people and are acting with integrity according to their experience and understanding.

In a similar way I believe God, who knows our intent, is pleased with us when we truly desire to have a relationship with Him and do all we can to learn how to feel His spirit, when we feast on the scriptures and pray for understanding.  I believe He appreciates our using our talents to make a better world.  He is pleased when we show compassion or kindness to someone. He is displeased with us when we are unkind or unforgiving or disobedient. He is disappointed when we give up and stop trying to be a better person or stop trying to develop the talents He has given us. He is quick to forgive us when we repent and try to do better. He is amused and laughs with us when we do or see something funny. He cries with us when we are sad. He envelops us with love when we need a hug. He is saddened when we distance ourselves from Him and He has great joy when we draw near to Him. He truly wants us to be happy and knows intimately what will bring us the greatest happiness in the long run. 

So in summary, we are all spirit sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father who knows us completely and loves us deeply. He wants us to be happy eternally, not just for this life, this moment in eternity. The circumstances of our lives are not a punishment, but are for our eternal well being. It is an opportunity for spiritual refinement. There is something for us to learn from every trial that is placed before us, whether it be physical challenges, unhealthy relationships, our race or ethnicity, our sexual orientation, our financial struggles or the unkind or destructive actions of others. No matter what the trial is, God has given us everything that is necessary for us to be successful in this life, meaning that we can fulfill our purpose for being here, which is to gain a physical body and to learn through our experience to choose the good and reject the evil. Jesus Christ has paid the price of justice through His atoning sacrifice for our sins, so if we accept His atonement and repent of our sins, then through His grace, our experiences in this life can be for our learning and growth and we can eventually enjoy Eternal Life and Exaltation with our families and live with our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ once more and continue in our progression to become more and more like them.
References and articles to consider:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1995/10/trust-in-the-lord?lang=eng

https://byustudies.byu.edu/content/grace-legalism-and-mental-health-among-latter-day-saints

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-restoration-of-the-fulness-of-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ/a-bicentennial-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/brad-wilcox/his-grace-is-sufficient/

https://www.ldsliving.com/Our-Pain-Is-Christ-s-Pain-Too-3-Insights-That-Will-Change-Your-Relationship-with-the-Savior/s/86161

Why is the Book of Mormon so Important?

Why is it so important for the whole world to know that the Book of Mormon is true?  I believe that most people throughout the world are doing their best to live good lives.  Millions gain much understanding and joy from reading the Bible, but their different churches teach different things.  And there are other voices today that are saying that the Bible is myth, it’s not true.

Now, along with the Old Testament and the New Testament, the Book of Mormon is another Testament of Jesus Christ.  If the Book of Mormon is true, then the Bible is true, because it is a witness of the truthfulness of the Bible.  It validates and clarifies the Bible teachings that God is our Heavenly Father and that Jesus Christ is His son.  It validates the Bible teachings that Jesus Christ atoned for our sins and restores the teachings that he also felt our pains, afflictions and temptations so that he would be able to succor us in our trials.  It validates the Bible teachings that God hears and answers our prayers and that the Holy Ghost will bring all things to our remembrance and will teach us all things.  It restores truths that were lost such as God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He is not finished with His work and He continues to speak to His people.

How can we know the Book of Mormon is true?  The Book of Mormon itself says to pray to God to know for yourself if it is true.  Millions of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have done this and have gained a testimony for themselves that the book is true.  However, because I have loved ones who have not felt that witness or who have forgotten it or don’t trust the witness they once had, I have felt the need to do some deeper investigation.  Over the past year I have read many books and articles by researchers, scholars, archaeologists and experts who have looked at the Book of Mormon from every angle and have come away with the firm belief that it is what it claims to be.  It is an ancient book that could not have been written by Joseph Smith or any of those he associated with. (See below for some references if interested.) So where did it come from?

If the Bible is true, then it isn’t that far fetched to believe that an angel could have given the plates to Joseph Smith just as Joseph said and that he translated them by the gift and power of God.  And if Joseph Smith really did see God the Father and Jesus Christ in vision then the Church that Jesus Christ established when he lived upon the earth has been restored today.  That is why the Church has sent so many missionaries throughout the world, to spread the good news so that everyone can know that God is our Heavenly Father who loves us and wants to bless us.

I love the Book of Mormon.  Its doctrines and principles are “delicious” to me.  Its wisdom enriches and guides my life.  But most important to me is that I have prayed to know if it is true and received a spiritual witness that it is true.   Because of the experiences I have had with the Book of Mormon, I logically cannot believe that it is a fake.  It’s true.  It’s all true.


References to some of the books I have read that validate the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon:

John Sorenson’s books Mormon’s Codex and An Ancient American Setting for the Book of Mormon offer some pretty compelling evidence from archaeology and comparing the descriptions in the BoM with the lands of Central America where there are actual ruins that correspond with the cities mentioned in the BoM.  We don’t know 100% that that’s where it was, but the evidence from ancient history and archaeology fits well there.

Reexploring the Book of Mormon by James W. Welch is a compilation of various scholars who address over 80 topics concerning the Book of Mormon including comparing ancient writings with the Book of Mormon. It convincingly dispels any doubts caused by the critics.  

Leap of Faith by Bob Bennett who uses modern forgery techniques to determine if the Book of Mormon could have been forged rather than being the ancient book it claims to be.  He shows how the BoM could not have been written by Joseph Smith.   And the likelihood of it being written by any of his associates is not likely either.

Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Richard Lloyd Anderson who researched the lives of the witnesses of the Book of Mormon.  He discovered that none of them ever denied their witness.

Imperfections

Recently I had cause to ponder on my many imperfections.  It kept me up one night, not being able to sleep.  I thought about my children and the times I made mistakes in how I treated them and their suffering the consequences of my imperfect parenting.  I thought about all of the prayers I offered through the years that I would be a good mother.  I remember praying that I would be the mother my children needed me to be.  I still pray for that every day.  And yet through the years, not meaning to, I made mistakes.  I was human.  I was real with real faults.  How could I have made so many mistakes when I had prayed so hard that I would be a good mother?  Then the spirit came and reminded me that my Heavenly Father knows me intimately.  He knows my faults and the mistakes I would make in raising our children.  He also knows my strengths and the good I would do.  He knows my children completely as well, and He knows the challenges they would need to become their best selves.  Perhaps they were sent to me because of the challenges my parenting would give them to overcome?

We are taught that one of the purposes for this life is to gain experience that through our experience we may discern between good and evil.  I guess that's why we aren't given perfect parents or perfect spouses or perfect children or perfect leaders.  We are here to learn to discern between truth and the philosophies of man, to learn the difference between good and evil.  I believe every one of us is given a set of trials tailored to our eternal needs, for our highest good. 

Thankfully, Jesus Christ was sent to atone for our learning curve.  He felt the pains and the discouragement and the remorse and the anguish of every one of us.  He knows how we feel and if we will accept his atoning sacrifice for us, we can feel relief and even joy as we willingly repent.

My husband and I have been reading a book on the life of Joseph Smith by Richard Bushman called "Rough Stone Rolling."  This very thoroughly researched book doesn't sugarcoat the life of Joseph Smith.  It portrays a man who was very human.  He got angry when people disagreed with him.  He was sometimes prideful.  He made errors in judgment.  He was not constantly inspired.  But he was also very concerned about wanting to be forgiven for his sins and he was very quick to forgive others.  He dreamed of living in a Zion Society where everyone was of one heart and one mind.  He was an imperfect instrument in God's hands. 

Joseph Smith was God's instrument in translating the Book of Mormon.  Though there are several opinions out there as to where the Book of Mormon lands were located, and it's impossible to know for sure where they were at this time, I just finished reading Mormon's Codex by John L. Sorenson, an emeritus professor of anthropology at BYU and scholar on Mesoamerica. With over 1000 pages (ebook) including an over 100 page Bibliography, he very convincingly shows how the Book of Mormon lands were probably in Mesoamerica, where there are ruins located in all of the places where the cities spoken of in the Book of Mormon were probably located.  He showed how Joseph Smith couldn't have known all the mesoamericanisms (knowledge that is only known in/about Mesoamerica) that are present in the Book of Mormon to have been able to write the book himself.  God was able to use this very imperfect man to bring forth this other Testament of Jesus Christ that validates and goes beyond the truths found in the Old and New Testaments. 

While some imperfect men are writing documents trying to prove that the Old and New Testaments can't be believed literally, that they are just myths, other imperfect men like K.A. Kitchen, a Professor of Egyptology and Honorary Research Fellow at the School of Archaeology in England wrote a 662 pg. volume "On the Reliability of the Old Testament." He uses archaeology and ancient history to help establish that most of the book is historically reliable.  And Professor F. F. Bruce wrote a book called "The New Testament Documents:  Are They Reliable?" which helps to establish that that book is historically reliable as well.

We imperfect people are here on the earth to learn through experience what is good and what is evil - what is true and what is false.  Some of us struggle to understand how a loving God could cause us to have to struggle through the trials of this life, the heartaches, illness and death, divorce, depression, miscommunications, same sex attraction with its physical, social and family challenges, war, abuse, deceptions, and the list can go on and on.  Many but not all of these trials are brought about by imperfect people, who are doing their best to make themselves happy, but in the process are the impetus of making themselves and/or other people unhappy.  God allows it because that's how we learn.  Some of our trials are given to us to strengthen us spiritually.  "I give men weakness that they may learn to be humble."  I have found through experience that when I am truly humble it is easier to feel the guidance of the spirit.

As we stumble through this life with our imperfections, we can have solace in knowing that we have a loving Heavenly Father and older brother, Jesus Christ who are cheering us on.  They are there watching over us and wanting to help us if we will only turn to them and ask.  They are there, but they will not force themselves upon us if we reject them.  They are there to strengthen us and guide us through this life if we can only exercise a particle of faith in them. 

I hope that my imperfect attempt to share my thoughts today will be of use to someone who may be feeling depressed, as I did, getting caught dwelling on their imperfections and need to refocus on the purpose of life and our Heavenly Father and His Son who will heal our hearts and help us become our best selves.

Jesus the Christ

My husband and I have been reading Jesus the Christ by James Talmage and have been filled with awe at what Jesus Christ went through in Gethsemane and on the cross for all mankind.  We've also been listening to an audio book "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R Callister.  I am amazed and grateful for the research that both men put into their books to help us to understand better what Jesus Christ did and why He did it and to understand the deep love that He and our Heavenly Father have for each one of us.  I also finished a 6 week reading of the Book of Mormon on December 31st, again highlighting all the words of Christ and words about Him in a new book.  Almost every chapter has something highlighted and in Third Nephi almost every verse in the book is highlighted.  I come away from these books so full of love for my savior and my Heavenly Father and for the great plan of happiness that they orchestrated for the eternal happiness of every one of their children if they will but accept the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

As I read about Thomas, the apostle that refused to believe that Jesus was resurrected and had appeared to the other apostles, who said: "Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe."  I wonder what would have happened to him, if he hadn't had the opportunity to see the resurrected Jesus Christ.  Would he ever have come to a knowledge that Jesus really had been resurrected?  When Jesus appeared to the 12 a week later, when Thomas was present, Jesus said to him:  "Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing."  Then Thomas acknowledged Him saying "My Lord and my God."  Then Jesus said:  "Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."  I understand that it is difficult for some people to believe without seeing him and without having the gift of faith, but faith can come to those who even have the desire to believe.  It becomes stronger as we exercise it.

Last year in Sunday School we were studying the New Testament, and studying the life of Jesus Christ.  Before that or during (I can't remember) I read through all of the references of Jesus Christ in the Topical Guide, which included all the references to him in the Old Testament and other Standard Works.  All of the scriptures confirm that Jesus truly is the Son of God and our Savior.  I'm amazed at how they all correlate with each other.  If they were all myths, all coming at different times, it's amazing that they all agree that Jesus would come, He came and he died, was resurrected and will come again.  They all witness of his divinity, the need for a Savior and that He was to be our Savior.  We are taught that at the last day, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ.

The Book of Mormon is truly another testament of Jesus Christ.  I realize that more now than I ever did before.  There are some who would say that the Book of Mormon was written by Joseph Smith himself or that he was part of a deception by those close to him.  It doesn't make logical sense to me that the Book of Mormon could have been written by an evil man who just wanted to pull the wool over his followers eyes.  It doesn't make sense and why would he do it?  I recently read a short book called the Case of the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Eldin Ricks https://deseretbook.com/p/case-of-the-book-of-mormon-witnesses-bookshelf-ebook?variant_id=168686-ebook  and also I read this article: https://rsc.byu.edu/archived/evaluating-book-mormon-witnesses by Steven C. Harper.  Both of these sources give excellent evidence that the Book of Mormon Witnesses never did deny their witness.  Some left the church, but still to their dying day, never did deny their witness as written in the front of the Book of Mormon. What other evidence could be given to someone who doesn't want to believe?  DNA, Horses, all the stuff that critics bring up as evidence against the validity of the Book of Mormon will eventually be explained/discovered.  I'm not worried about it.  God wants us to live by faith and we are blessed when we do so.

We are told that half to two thirds of the Book of Mormon was sealed, but that some day, when the people are ready for it, we may have access to the sealed portion.  But that day won't come until we accept the part we have.  I love the Book of Mormon and it's strong witness of Jesus Christ.  I'm grateful for Jesus Christ, and His willingness to give His life for us that He may truly be our advocate with the Father.  I look forward to the day when we are ready for all that our loving Heavenly Father has ready and waiting for us.