I remember pondering on this question a lot during the following days. I seem to remember rocking one of my small children in our rocking chair one day and thinking about how much I loved this little girl. This was my 4th child and I was pregnant with our 5th. My thoughts went back to when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and wondering if I would be able to love that baby as much as I loved our first. Of course my love for our 2nd child and then our 3rd and 4th was just as much. My love wasn't divided into smaller portions, but instead it was multiplied so I had just as much love for each of our children. They were each one special to me and an important part of my life. (And now I have 11 children and 40 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild and still my love is multiplying so I have enough for all of them.)
Then my thoughts went to our Heavenly Father, and knowing how my love multiplies, I knew that His does too. He has an infinite amount of love that extends to include every one of his Spirit children whom He knows intimately, even more than I know my children. He knows our needs, our desires, our hearts, our weaknesses, our strengths and our talents. (Today I also think of His Son and our advocate, Jesus Christ, who along with the Father knows us even to having felt our pain and anguish.) Comparing my love and deep affection for my children with God's love for His children helped me to understand how it could be done. The next time I met with that sister, I was able to share these thoughts and others with her, and it gave her much comfort.
But some might ask, if God is our loving Heavenly Father, why doesn't life seem fair? Why are we even on this earth where so many suffer from physical and emotional pain, disability, racism, abuse, ignorance and poverty, etc. etc. and others seem to have all the blessings of good health, luxury, education and loving, nurturing homes? Why does God allow bad things to happen to people who are doing their best to do the right things? And why do some of His children feel His love and hear His voice and others don't?
I don't know the answers to all of these questions, but what helps me to understand some of them a little better is when again, my thoughts turn to my own children. Each one is very different. They don't have the same talents or interests or personalities or capacities. When our children were young, I sometimes wished I could treat each one of them differently because they each had different needs, but I didn't think that would be fair. I didn't always know what their needs were, but I learned that what worked for one didn't always work for the others. I was occasionally overwhelmed with so many children, especially when sometimes they all seemed to need my attention at the same time. I don't regret having so many children, but I regret that I couldn't figure out a way to give them all the attention they needed. Looking back, I wish I could have somehow convinced my children of the need for us as parents to treat each one differently. I don't think it occurred to me at the time that it was even an option.
On the other hand, Heavenly Father isn't limited at all in the way I was as a mother. He knows exactly what trials, challenges and circumstances each one of His children needs for their highest growth and progression. And it's because of that, that we are going through this moment in the eternities. The late self-help author and motivational speaker, Wayne Dyer liked to say "We are spiritual beings having a mortal experience." I sometimes wonder if those with the worst trials could have asked for them in the preexistence so they would be that much farther ahead in their learning and progression. We can't see how those challenges could bless us when we're in the middle of them, and we may feel like it's not fair that we have to go through them, but I can look back at the trials and challenges I have had in my life and with hindsight I recognize them for the blessing and growth they were. Even right now as I am going through one of the worst trials of my life, I can see how my knowledge and understanding of what this life is all about has grown and my faith and trust in God has gotten stronger.
Because Heavenly Father loves us so much, He has not left us to navigate this life on our own. God is in the details of our lives. He sends angels to help watch over us and He has given everyone the Light of Christ, or our conscience to help us make good choices if we will listen to it. He knew that as mortal beings we would make mistakes and sin, that we wouldn't have the ability to live perfect lives and being unclean, we wouldn't be able to live with Him again. This includes even his servants, the prophets who were chosen in the preexistence. Like the rest of us, they also had to learn and grow and make mistakes and repent. That's how we all learn! For this purpose, He sent His son, Jesus Christ, God of the Old Testament to come down to the earth to gain a body, to experience mortality and to be a perfect example for us to follow. Jesus Christ, being a God already, had the capacity to suffer and die for the sins of every one of us, satisfying the demands of justice and making it possible for us to eventually make it back to God's presence through our repentance and His grace. In every dispensation, God has sent His servants to teach us about Jesus Christ, to teach us of His coming and His atonement for our sins. Through them we have the Bible, and when the time came that the Bible wasn't enough, He gave us the Book of Mormon, another Testament of Christ to validate the truths and restore lost truths that once were in the Bible.
I remember times when my young children wanted to do things "all by themselves." Usually, that was a good thing, because we are here to learn and gain experience and make mistakes and repent and keep learning and growing. But sometimes it was very frustrating for the child. Sometimes they needed just a little bit of help and then they could finish by themselves. Sometimes I could give them a little help without them even realizing it and they were so happy, thinking they had done it by themselves. But oh the anger and frustration when they wanted to do something by themselves and they couldn't quite do it! I think God looks at us in those times when we're frustrated and wishes we would just ask for a little help from Him and then we could do it. And sometimes He gives us a little help and we don't recognize it or give Him any thanks for it. Then there are other times when He knows that we need the experience of doing it all by ourselves. I believe those are the times when He knows we can do it and that there is a lesson in it that we are to learn.
I enjoy spending time with my children, conversing with them and appreciating their talents. I find pleasure in watching their interactions with each other and their children. I am pleased with their acts of compassion and the people of integrity they have grown to be. Most feel my love and we are able to converse naturally, but others have a harder time feeling my love and have even distanced themselves from me because they don't recognize my efforts to show my love and we don't see eye to eye on the things that are most important to us. This rejection causes a lot of pain and I weep for them. But as I try to understand their hearts, I realize they are good people and are acting with integrity according to their experience and understanding.
In a similar way I believe God, who knows our intent, is pleased with us when we truly desire to have a relationship with Him and do all we can to learn how to feel His spirit, when we feast on the scriptures and pray for understanding. I believe He appreciates our using our talents to make a better world. He is pleased when we show compassion or kindness to someone. He is displeased with us when we are unkind or unforgiving or disobedient. He is disappointed when we give up and stop trying to be a better person or stop trying to develop the talents He has given us. He is quick to forgive us when we repent and try to do better. He is amused and laughs with us when we do or see something funny. He cries with us when we are sad. He envelops us with love when we need a hug. He is saddened when we distance ourselves from Him and He has great joy when we draw near to Him. He truly wants us to be happy and knows intimately what will bring us the greatest happiness in the long run.
So in summary, we are all spirit sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father who knows us completely and loves us deeply. He wants us to be happy eternally, not just for this life, this moment in eternity. The circumstances of our lives are not a punishment, but are for our eternal well being. It is an opportunity for spiritual refinement. There is something for us to learn from every trial that is placed before us, whether it be physical challenges, unhealthy relationships, our race or ethnicity, our sexual orientation, our financial struggles or the unkind or destructive actions of others. No matter what the trial is, God has given us everything that is necessary for us to be successful in this life, meaning that we can fulfill our purpose for being here, which is to gain a physical body and to learn through our experience to choose the good and reject the evil. Jesus Christ has paid the price of justice through His atoning sacrifice for our sins, so if we accept His atonement and repent of our sins, then through His grace, our experiences in this life can be for our learning and growth and we can eventually enjoy Eternal Life and Exaltation with our families and live with our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ once more and continue in our progression to become more and more like them.
References and articles to consider:
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1995/10/trust-in-the-lord?lang=eng
https://byustudies.byu.edu/content/grace-legalism-and-mental-health-among-latter-day-saints
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-restoration-of-the-fulness-of-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ/a-bicentennial-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng
https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/brad-wilcox/his-grace-is-sufficient/
https://www.ldsliving.com/Our-Pain-Is-Christ-s-Pain-Too-3-Insights-That-Will-Change-Your-Relationship-with-the-Savior/s/86161
