A few years ago I came across a video posted on Facebook that was quite disturbing. I think the purpose of the video was to cause doubt about the trustworthiness of our feelings. The first part of the video started with the testimonies of some of those in the cult Heaven's Gate who ultimately committed suicide, convinced that by doing so they would be picked up by an alien spacecraft and "transformed through biological and chemical processes to perfected beings."
That was followed by testimonies of people from different churches saying that they knew their church was true. I believe this was to discourage and confuse those of us in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who believe that our church is the only true church on the earth. I remember watching the video several times, trying to make sense of it. I felt confused and a bit depressed. But answers came as I pondered and prayed about it. I realized that not all feelings are to be trusted, especially if acting on them would cause harm to yourself or others. I learned through study and by faith that other churches have a lot of truth and many are trying to follow Jesus Christ to the very best of their abilities and the knowledge they have. It's not surprising to me at all now that others might receive a testimony that their church is true. I'm just grateful for the additional truth that our Church has to offer.
Around the same time as the video was posted, someone posted a link to a letter which was also full of disconcerting questions that cast doubt on the veracity of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith along with all the other questions critics of the church have brought up time and time again since the church was organized. Because one of my loved ones had left the church a few years before, I had already studied many of the questions and found answers that satisfied me. I still had a testimony that the church was true, but the video and letter again challenged my testimony and caused me to reexamine my beliefs. I remember talking with another loved one around that time and they shared that the magic was gone concerning the gospel. Now that doubt had entered in, it let in an underlying sadness into their life. I felt that was true for me as well for a time, but as I have continued to study and pray, my faith in God has only become stronger. I have learned more about what the gospel really teaches and have let go of some of the incorrect understandings that have creeped into mine and other members of the church's beliefs. My husband and I started reading more than ever and listening to audio books that helped give answers to the questions. Our testimonies have become more rooted in truth rather than tradition.
I think the reason I was able to hold onto my testimony through this difficult time is because I already had a relationship with God. I knew Him. I felt his presence in my life every day. He gave me solace when I was sad. He gave me guidance when I didn't know what to do. He gave me assurance that all would be well when I was worried about something or someone. The interesting thing to me is that when the doubt entered in, I felt darkness. I didn't feel the Spirit. I felt confusion. Gratefully, as I studied the scriptures and the words of modern prophets and the words of other inspired people, my faith became strong again. My faith in my Savior Jesus Christ has become more sure. And as my faith in God has become more sure, the magic has returned. I believe again in miracles. During this Christmas Season, my heart is full of love for others and the joy of knowing God really is there. He really does love me and will help me through the trials of life.
It is definitely a choice to believe or not to believe. The reason I say that is that there are a plethora of writings on both sides of every question. If you decide you don't believe in God or that Jesus Christ is our Savior, there are writings that will support you in that belief. But turn around and decide that you do believe in God and Jesus Christ and the pendulum swings the other way. There is so much evidence to support a belief in God and in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. My life is better when my faith is strong. My faith gives me the ability to feel the Spirit more strongly and more often and it gives me the answers to the questions of my soul. I love my Heavenly Father so much and I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I know I can trust them.
Here are some of the books we have read during the past few years that have answered our questions, corrected our erroneous beliefs and helped us hold on to our faith and strengthen it:
The Crucible of Doubt by Terryl and Fiona Givens
The Faith of a Scientist by Henry Eyring (father of Pres. Henry B. Eyring)
Let's Talk about Faith and Intellect by Terryl Givens
Panther to Priesthood by Eddie Leroy Willis
The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens
Let's Talk about the Book of Abraham by Kerry Muhlestein
The Doors of Faith by Terryl Givens
Let's Talk about Religion and Mental Health by Daniel K. Judd
The Spirit of Revelation by David A. Bednar
Let's Talk about Polygamy by Brittany Chapman Nash
Where the Soul Hungers by Samuel M. Brown
A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked by Ben Schilaty (a gay member)
Real vs. Rumor by Keith A. Erekson
Feelings by Matthew O. Richardson
All Things New by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens
10 Reasons Why Joseph Smith Is a Prophet by Anthony Sweat
Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund
The Second Coming of the Lord by Gerald N. Lund
What Seek Ye? by S. Michael Wilcox
Without the Mask by Charles Bird (a gay member)
The Christ Who Heals by Terryl Givens and Fiona Givens
Answers will Come by Shalissa Lindsay
The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson
Faith Is Not Blind by Bruce C. Hafen, Marie K. Hafen
Knowing Why: 127 MORE Evidences That the Book of Mormon is True by BoM Central
A Reason for Faith by Laura Harris Hales
The Heavens Are Open by Wendy Watson Nelson
Seekers Wanted by Anthony Sweat
Falling to Heaven: The Surprising Path to Happiness by James L. Ferrell
Insights from a Prophet's Life: Russell M. Nelson by Sheri Dew
To Draw Closer to God by Henry B. Eyring
Planted: Belief and Belonging in an Age of Doubt by Patrick Q. Mason
Getting at the Truth: Responding to Difficult Questions by Robert L. Millet
The Little Book of Book of Mormon Evidences by John Hilton III
Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Richard L. Anderson
Leap of Faith: Confronting the Origins of the BoM by Bob Bennett
An Ancient American Setting for the Book of Mormon by John L. Sorenson
Reexploring the Book of Mormon by John W. Welch
Case of the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Eldin Ricks
Shaken Faith Syndrome by Mike Ash
Reflections of a Scientist by Henry Eyring
That We May Be One by Tom Christofferson (a gay member)
