Bound to God

I have come to the realization recently that the covenants I have made with my Heavenly Father in His Holy Temple bind me to Him and to His Son Jesus Christ.  And because of that, and my faith and trust in them, any trial I have can be endured and can be a learning experience for me, knowing that this life is a test, to prepare us for Eternal Life and Eternal Happiness with our Heavenly Parents.

Because of the unbelief of a few of my children, at times I have asked myself if the gospel could be a lie?  How would believing that change my life?  I would be devastated.  If the gospel wasn't true, I could no longer have the hope of being with my parents and other loved ones again.  When I am feeling lonely or inadequate, where would I receive the peace and confidence that I needed? Of course there are loved ones I could go to for a pep talk, but people are human, and don't always know what to say or what we need to hear.  

But I have felt the Spirit too many times throughout my life to not believe that God lives.  Just the thought that I might be delusional brings a feeling of darkness into my life, of sadness and confusion.  If God isn't real, where does the joy and peace and happiness come from?  As I think that, I feel uplifted and happy again.  I cannot not believe that I have a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me and wants my eternal happiness!  

Lack of self esteem?  With God, all things are possible!  If I rely on myself, I have no confidence.  I know I don't have the talent or knowledge to fulfill all of my responsibilities.  I worry that my efforts aren't good enough, but when I rely on my God for help, He gives me the confidence I need to do whatever He wants me to do.  "I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me."  Just remembering that Christ suffered for all of my sins, insecurities, pains, etc. gives me the courage to carry on and trust that all will be well.

Physical pain?  Why do we have to go through physical pain in this life? I remember having a migraine headache once that consumed me.  I wasn't able to even think of anything else.  And I know there are those in the world who suffer from chronic pain every day.  It would be very difficult to carry on under those circumstances.  And yet, knowing that our Savior Jesus Christ suffered our pain, that He knows exactly how we feel, helps me to endure the pain.  I remember one day when I was having some kind of pain, I think it was stomach pain that was very hard to bear.  I remember praying to know what I was to learn from this.  Just knowing that this life is for us to gain experience helped me to get through it, and it seems that as soon as I acknowledged the fact that my pain was to give me experience and I even thanked God for the experience I was having, my pain started letting up from that moment.  I don't know if that would always happen.  Gratefully, I don't suffer from chronic pain, but I wonder if it would help others to thank God for the pain?

Loneliness?  I have had times of loneliness where I was in the midst of a crowd, many people around me laughing and talking and enjoying each other, and I felt alone, wrapped up in my own insecurities and feeling uncomfortable and wanting to escape.  When I was able to turn my thoughts to my Savior, and remember that He knew how I felt and that He loved me, I was able to relax and when I was able to remember that He loved all those people around me, I was able to look around for those in the crowd who seemed lonely and looked like they could use a friend.  Then as I went to them, I felt peace in knowing my actions were pleasing to my Heavenly Father.  It's not easy changing our mindset, but it's possible as we remember our Savior Jesus Christ and reach out to him in silent prayer.  He and our Heavenly Father can help us have a better perspective of the challenges we're going through.

Death of a loved one?  Without the beautiful teachings of the church that this life isn't the end, that life goes on forever and that our mortal life is a test to prepare us for the next life, I would be devastated.  If I thought I would never see my loved ones again, it would be horrible!  I don't know how people do it.  I'm grateful for my testimony of life after death and my perspective that death is just a part of our eternal progression.  Of course I'm sad that I won't have their presence in my life, but the hope of seeing them again, helps me to move on.

Mental illness, clinical depression?  I have a dear friend who suffers from PTSD along with other mental illnesses, but the way she copes is through her trust in her Savior Jesus Christ.  He helps her get through each day.  How do those who don't have a belief in God and in Jesus Christ cope with such debilitating mental illness?

Inequality?  Life is not fair.  If fair means equal for all people, then life isn't fair.  We can feel angry or hurt or jealous of others when we see they have so much more than we do, that their life seems so much happier than our life, or we can try to see the situation as Heavenly Father might look at it.  Perhaps their challenge in life is to hold onto and build their faith when things are going so well. They have the opportunity to reach out to help those around them who aren't so privileged. As in the Book of Mormon, when the people were thriving, they frequently turned from God and became prideful because of their riches.  It was the poor in worldly goods who were humble enough to listen to the word of God and who were willing to let Him into their lives.  Perhaps we need to ask God what He wants us to learn from our challenges and realize that as we confront those challenges with faith in Him, He gives us greater spiritual strength to overcome whatever might come next.

I have only mentioned a few of the trials we might have in this life, but with faith in God, and being bound to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, there is no trial that we can't overcome with their help!  

The Assurance of Things Hoped For

I have been pondering on the scripture from Hebrews 11:1 which says "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  The Joseph Smith Translation changes the word "substance" to "assurance."  This small change makes this scripture more understandable to me.   I have had many times in my life when I have felt that assurance that all would be well as I had hoped.  I remember times when one or more of my children didn't come home when they were supposed to, or I didn't know where they were.  As I prayed for them, I felt the spirit assuring me that they were okay, that all was well with them.  And when they got home, we discovered it to be true.  All was well.

I have felt that assurance when I needed to do something I didn't feel comfortable doing, such as visiting someone I didn't know, teaching a lesson or giving a talk.  It was that assurance from the Spirit that gave me the courage to do what I needed to do.  So the hope I had that all would be well, and that the Lord would help me, caused me to pray for that outcome which turned into faith, which was the assurance that my hope would be realized.  It became the evidence of things not seen.

A few years ago someone wrote a blogpost entitled "Faith is a Fallacy." I didn't like the title of this blogpost, but their reasoning was very thought provoking and caused me to again think about my own faith and why I have faith in God.  I knew I had many good reasons for having faith in God and so I started listing them.

One thing that helps me have faith is that I feel God's spirit with me most of the time.  When I'm in need of His spirit, it only takes a few seconds before I feel His guidance and comforting influence.  He is with me and I know it.  I can't SEE Him, but I FEEL Him.  It has taken me many years to get to the point where I can feel Him so often in my life.  I'm glad I didn't give up long ago. 

Another thing that has strengthened my faith is The Book of Mormon.  It is a powerful testament of Jesus Christ.  All of the prophets in the book testify of Him.  It even verifies and clarifies what we know from the Old Testament and New Testament about Jesus Christ.  He appeared to the Book of Mormon people and did much of what it says he did in the New Testament.  I have read all of the writings and arguments that try to dissuade people from believing in the Book of Mormon and have found that they really don't hold up under scrutiny.    

I could go on and on listing reasons for my faith, but the most compelling one for me is the assurance by the Spirit of the truth of this beautiful gospel of Jesus Christ.  It gives me the peace, comfort and joy to know that all of my children will be okay.  They all have different missions in life and are all learning the particular lessons they need to strengthen them so that they can fulfill their missions in the best way they possibly can.  God sees everything that will happen and will intervene as necessary for their eternal good.  The heartache, sorrow and disappointment in this life are just a moment in time, and in the end, I know they will all be okay.  I have that assurance, and through experience, I know I can trust in the Lord, that His promises through the Spirit are sure.  God is real.  He loves us so very much and will not require us to go through any more sorrow than is necessary for our eternal growth and well being.  

I love my Savior Jesus Christ and am grateful for his willingness to go through all that He did in order to help us be able to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father and be able to dwell with them both for eternity.  I am grateful for that hope and the assurance that it is true.

My Yoke is Easy

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; ... and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30.

“My yoke is easy and my burden is light." I haven't understood this verse in the New Testament until just recently. In our Sunday School class, our teacher showed a picture of two oxen yoked together. She also said that when there were two yoked together, the two had the capacity to pull a larger load than just 2 x one oxen. I also learned that when 2 oxen are yoked together, there is usually an older, experienced ox yoked with a younger inexperienced ox. That way the one can help the other learn how to pull the cart, not going too fast or too slowly. It finally made sense to me.

As we come unto Jesus Christ and learn of him and become yoked to him, he really does cause our burdens to become light. He helps us carry them. He knows the pitfalls of life to avoid and knows how to pull the load more efficiently. He keeps us from running faster than we have strength and he helps us to slow down and enjoy the journey.

When life gets us down, when we feel less than perfect and regret things we've said or done, when we're feeling stressed, depressed, unloved, confused, discouraged, or whatever it may be, if we try to carry our burdens by ourselves, we may feel even more stressed, discouraged and exhausted. But the answer to every dilemma is always Jesus Christ. He is the way. He is the way out of our difficulties. He knows us. He loves us and He knows what the solution is to whatever is causing us to feel down.

As we accept his yoke and learn of him, we are able to access his power to overcome whatever trial we're going through. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

I love him. I'm so grateful for his presence in my life. Now as I picture him beside me, I feel that my burdens really have become lighter and I feel the peace and rest that he speaks of.

Looking at Church History through the lens of the present

Looking at Church History through the lens of the present can be a real stumbling block to some people's testimonies.  Why is that?  If the issues were brought up one at a time, they would probably be able to get past it, and find answers to satisfy them, but there are websites and podcasts that have made it their mission to bring to light the things in the past that they feel negate the beauties of the gospel in the present.  I appreciate the website https://www.fairlatterdaysaints.org/ which helps put the past into perspective and also helps me to see which statements made by anti-Mormon sources are true, which ones are totally false, which ones have twisted the truth to mean something different and which are simply mistakes/errors.  The articles are fully sourced so the reader can look things up for themselves and come to their own conclusions.  I am grateful for this resource to help me hold on to and build my own faith and also clear out wrong assumptions I have had.

My Personal Faith Journey

As a teenager, I went through the normal stage of questioning what my parents taught me.  There were lots of churches on the earth, so how could I know that my church was the right one?  About this time when I was starting to wonder and doubt, I got my Patriarchal Blessing.  I think during that blessing it may have been one of the first times I really felt the Holy Ghost.  I left the Patriarch's home feeling confident that the Church was true.  I remember having twinges of doubt from time to time after that, but when I would hear the prophet speak, I would feel the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that he was truly a prophet of God.

 My dad gave me a father's blessing once as a teenager, telling me that I would serve a mission for the church.  I remember feeling very panicky about that.  I didn't want to serve a mission!  I was shy and I also didn't know enough about the gospel to be able to teach it to someone else!  Luckily (I thought at the time) I got married at the age of 19 so couldn't serve a mission because at that time girls had to wait until they were 21 to serve a mission.

We raised our children in the Church, teaching them the gospel.  We had regular Family Home Evenings, Family Scripture Study and Family Prayers and did our best to be good parents and live according to the council of our church leaders.  I thought our prophet and the apostles were perfect and never made any mistakes.  I thought our local church leaders (i.e. bishop and Relief Society President) were practically perfect people. I never saw or heard that they weren't so I continued to believe that until I was called to be a Ward Relief Society President.  I knew I wasn't perfect, so that was a beginning of knowing that local church leaders weren't perfect.  However, I continued to believe that the prophet and apostles were perfect.

Through the years I learned how to recognize personal revelation.  As Relief Society President, it was crucial as I made Visiting Teaching assignments.  It was crucial as a mother to know how to teach my children to do what was right.  My prayers became more effective as I grew in faith.  And with stronger faith, my prayers were answered more quickly.  And as my prayers were answered more quickly, it strengthened my faith and the cycle continued.  

The day came when my children were all grown and my husband and I were called to serve a mission for our church.  This was to be a temple mission, not a proselyting mission, so I still didn't need to teach the gospel.  Not too many months into that mission, our oldest son let us know that he didn't believe in the church any more.  This rocked my world.  I didn't know what to think!  We had taught him the best we knew how.  The church had blessed our lives and given us happiness, purpose and guidance.  What did we do wrong?  How had this happened?  I did all in my power to change his mind, with the result of causing him to not want to have much to do with me.

Our temple mission gave us plenty of spare time, so I spent my time reading and studying and trying to figure out why our son had decided the church wasn't true.  He suggested a few documents to read that reflected some of his beliefs.  This caused a bit of a crisis of faith for me, as I tried to determine if he could be right.  I read talks by early church leaders that were a bit disturbing as I had never heard them before.  As I read documents by disaffected members who would quote early and modern church leaders, I went to the original source and discovered that some of those quotes were taken out of context and weren't bad when in context.  That just made me feel like these disgruntled members were just trying to shine a bad light on these leaders.  So my faith stayed intact at that time.

Serving with us on that temple mission was a well-known church history historian who started giving the temple missionaries and other missionaries serving in the area lectures on the early lives of the modern day prophets, starting with Joseph Smith.  That was the beginning of my understanding that our leaders weren't all perfect.  They were and are human and can make mistakes just the same as anyone else.  They just know enough to repent more frequently and try to do better, just as we all need to repent frequently and try to do better every day.

These past several years have been hard ones spiritually and emotionally because some of my other children have also rejected the gospel of Jesus Christ which we taught them throughout their childhood.  Though it has been painful, for me it was a good thing for my own spiritual progression, because it caused me to really examine the teachings of my church and the history of it and the scriptures and come to an understanding of what exactly I believed and why.  It became painful and dark as I read through much anti Mormon literature, most by disaffected members.  I read the explanations by church leaders as to why things in the history of the church happened, to try to understand better.  I have tried to look at all of it logically, and with an open mind to determine if my children could be right, that the church isn't true.  

But if the church isn't true, what were the spiritual experiences I have had throughout my life?  They think I have been so indoctrinated that I wouldn't even consider that the church wasn't true.  They think my mind is closed to the idea.  But they are wrong.  I have studied and pondered and prayed to know the truth and have come through it all with a deeper, stronger faith, with a stronger foundation.  My faith before this experience was weak in comparison, but now it is strong.  The one thing that clinches it for me is the Book of Mormon.     

My faith that Joseph Smith was a true prophet comes from my faith in the Book of Mormon.  As I read from the Book of Mormon every day I know that Joseph could not have written it himself.  There is too much wisdom and knowledge that Joseph could not have known as a farmer with very little schooling.  He could have written it if he was inspired of God, but if he was inspired of God, why would he lie about it and say that he translated the book rather than that he wrote it under the inspiration of God?  If he was an evil man, I don't believe he could have written such beautiful words. 

I wrote this blogpost over 2 years ago!  I am through with being fearful of posting my thoughts and feelings. I will continue to post my progression as I search for light and truth. 

Love, Communication and Choice

Love - Love is kind.  Love is compassionate.  Love is understanding, willing to look at how someone else may be feeling.  Love is trying to imagine how someone else may be interpreting what is happening or what is said.  Love is being willing to look for the good in another person's words or behavior rather than focus on those things you don't agree with or that hurt your feelings.  Love is being humble enough to look at the unasked for advice you are given and examining it to see if it is valuable or if it's something you are already doing and it's not necessary or it's just not necessary for you.  Love is asking questions and communicating with someone rather than assuming the worst.  I have had both experiences recently.  The one I felt loved and the other I felt unloved, rejected and misunderstood.

As my mind ages, I have a tendency to forget things I have said and will repeat myself.  You have probably had the experience of an elderly person repeating the same stories over and over.  Well now that I am 70, I'm afraid I may be doing the same thing.  I texted some unsolicited advice to one of my daughters recently that ended up hurting her and causing her to feel like I wasn't happy with her.  But instead of assuming that was the case, and just feeling bad because of that assumption, she called me to get clarification about what I had said.  Apparently I had given the same advice 5 times!  I wasn't upset with her and had just forgotten I had already told her that piece of advice.  I am so glad she didn't dwell on her hurt feelings and called me instead to clear the air!  It gave me a chance to explain myself and reassure her that I wasn't upset with her in the least.  Because of her call I felt loved.  I felt like our relationship was valuable enough to her for her to be willing to reach out to me.  This strengthened our relationship and strengthened my love for her.

Another loved one has already given up on our relationship.  He can only see me in the worst light.  I would love to heal our relationship, but he has taken away every avenue for doing that.  I can't call, text, email or even visit his home.  It reminds me of  the behavior of the parents and families of some new converts of the church.  They determined that their son or daughter was no longer worthy to be a part of their family if they turned their back on what they had been taught all of their lives.  And yet I still love him with all my heart. He is the one who has turned his back on what we taught him all his life.  He has chosen a different path.  But it doesn't cause us to want to disown him.  We still love him and want to have a loving relationship with him.  Is it possible to have a good relationship with someone who thinks so differently about life and religion?  Is it possible to enjoy conversation, or is it necessary to believe the same things to be able to communicate at all?  

Perhaps the problem is that I haven't listened carefully enough to try to understand his point of view better.   He has said over and over that he didn't choose to not believe in the church or believe in God.  It was all the evidence that he found that cinched it for him.  However in our last conversation I said something about him choosing not to believe the church was true.  This was a stupid thing for me to say, because I knew how strongly he felt about it, and yet I was feeling relaxed enough that I just said what came to mind.  After he said he didn't want to have anything to do with me ever again, I sent an email hoping to soften my words, where I apologized for saying he chose to not believe.  I apologized because I knew that what I said was the wrong thing to say, but I wasn't apologizing for believing that.  In my last blogpost, I again said that we choose what we believe.  Because I said that, he believes I was being dishonest in my email to him.  It was a mistake for me to apologize for my statement.  It definitely backfired and didn't help our relationship in the least.

Our beliefs are so very different and it seems that in his mind, the fact that I can't see eye to eye with him, means my mind is closed and his beliefs aren't valid to me. We are both trying to live lives of integrity and yet in his mind, I have lost my integrity.  But during the last week or so, in trying to see things from his perspective, I think I understand why he said he didn't choose to not believe the church is true, instead, he took all the evidence he had found and felt like it was obvious and should be obvious to everyone.  Because it wasn't obvious to me, he thought I was brainwashed and wouldn't take him seriously.  That can be very hurtful when something you believe very strongly isn't believed by someone you care about.  He must have been very frustrated that I couldn't see his point of view.  That probably caused him to feel rejected, because I was rejecting his views without seemingly investigating those views.  For him, if I had just had an open mind, I would see things the way he did.  I think he probably did want to believe the church was true because of all the beautiful and comforting doctrines it teaches and was probably devastated when he came to believe that it wasn't true and that God didn't even exist!  What a horrible thing to happen in someone's life!  And then to have his loved ones not even want to consider that he may be right.  He must have felt alone and isolated, rejected and misunderstood.  

Now, he just seems angry with me.  But my heart continues to reach out to him.  As I have been contemplating how he must have felt and how he probably feels now, I believe he is hurting probably as much as I am.  I want to take him in my arms and comfort him.  I want to be vulnerable enough to allow him to tell me everything he has wanted to tell me.  I want to be strong enough to not fall apart at his words.  And I hope the day will come when he will be vulnerable enough to allow me to share with him all the things I have to say to him without him rejecting me again and again.  Can't we just love each other in spite of our differences?  Can't we be solid enough in our relationship to not feel threatened because we believe different things?  Authenticity is important to him.  Is it possible for us both to be authentic with each other and allow each other the space to grow and develop without rejecting the other?  Can we be imperfect human beings and still be friends?

Feelings, Doubts, Choice and Faith

 A few years ago I came across a video posted on Facebook that was quite disturbing.  I think the purpose of the video was to cause doubt about the trustworthiness of our feelings.  The first part of the video started with the testimonies of some of those in the cult Heaven's Gate who ultimately committed suicide, convinced that by doing so they would be picked up by an alien spacecraft and "transformed through biological and chemical processes to perfected beings." 

That was followed by testimonies of people from different churches saying that they knew their church was true.  I believe this was to discourage and confuse those of us in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who believe that our church is the only true church on the earth.  I remember watching the video several times, trying to make sense of it.  I felt confused and a bit depressed.  But answers came as I pondered and prayed about it.  I realized that not all feelings are to be trusted, especially if acting on them would cause harm to yourself or others.  I learned through study and by faith that other churches have a lot of truth and many are trying to follow Jesus Christ to the very best of their abilities and the knowledge they have.  It's not surprising to me at all now that others might receive a testimony that their church is true.  I'm just grateful for the additional truth that our Church has to offer.

Around the same time as the video was posted, someone posted a link to a letter which was also full of disconcerting questions that cast doubt on the veracity of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith along with all the other questions critics of the church have brought up time and time again since the church was organized.  Because one of my loved ones had left the church a few years before, I had already studied many of the questions and found answers that satisfied me.  I still had a testimony that the church was true, but the video and letter again challenged my testimony and caused me to reexamine my beliefs.  I remember talking with another loved one around that time and they shared that the magic was gone concerning the gospel.  Now that doubt had entered in, it let in an underlying sadness into their life.  I felt that was true for me as well for a time, but as I have continued to study and pray, my faith in God has only become stronger. I have learned more about what the gospel really teaches and have let go of some of the incorrect understandings that have creeped into mine and other members of the church's beliefs.  My husband and I started reading more than ever and listening to audio books that helped give answers to the questions.  Our testimonies have become more rooted in truth rather than tradition.

I think the reason I was able to hold onto my testimony through this difficult time is because I already had a relationship with God.  I knew Him.  I felt his presence in my life every day.  He gave me solace when I was sad.  He gave me guidance when I didn't know what to do.  He gave me assurance that all would be well when I was worried about something or someone.  The interesting thing to me is that when the doubt entered in, I felt darkness.  I didn't feel the Spirit.  I felt confusion.  Gratefully, as I studied the scriptures and the words of modern prophets and the words of other inspired people, my faith became strong again.   My faith in my Savior Jesus Christ has become more sure.  And as my faith in God has become more sure, the magic has returned.  I believe again in miracles.  During this Christmas Season, my heart is full of love for others and the joy of knowing God really is there.  He really does love me and will help me through the trials of life.

It is definitely a choice to believe or not to believe.  The reason I say that is that there are a plethora of writings on both sides of every question.  If you decide you don't believe in God or that Jesus Christ is our Savior, there are writings that will support you in that belief.  But turn around and decide that you do believe in God and Jesus Christ and the pendulum swings the other way.  There is so much evidence to support a belief in God and in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  My life is better when my faith is strong.  My faith gives me the ability to feel the Spirit more strongly and more often and it gives me the answers to the questions of my soul.  I love my Heavenly Father so much and I love my Savior Jesus Christ.  I know I can trust them.  

Here are some of the books we have read during the past few years that have answered our questions, corrected our erroneous beliefs and helped us hold on to our faith and strengthen it: 

The Crucible of Doubt by Terryl and Fiona Givens

The Faith of a Scientist by Henry Eyring (father of Pres. Henry B. Eyring)

Let's Talk about Faith and Intellect by Terryl Givens

Panther to Priesthood by Eddie Leroy Willis

The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens

Let's Talk about the Book of Abraham by Kerry Muhlestein

The Doors of Faith by Terryl Givens

Let's Talk about Religion and Mental Health by Daniel K. Judd

The Spirit of Revelation by David A. Bednar

Let's Talk about Polygamy by Brittany Chapman Nash

Where the Soul Hungers by Samuel M. Brown

A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked by Ben Schilaty (a gay member)

Real vs. Rumor by Keith A. Erekson

Feelings by Matthew O. Richardson

All Things New by Terryl Givens, Fiona Givens

10 Reasons Why Joseph Smith Is a Prophet by Anthony Sweat

Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund

The Second Coming of the Lord by Gerald N. Lund

What Seek Ye? by S. Michael Wilcox

Without the Mask by Charles Bird (a gay member)

The Christ Who Heals by Terryl Givens and Fiona Givens

Answers will Come by Shalissa Lindsay

The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson

Faith Is Not Blind by Bruce C. Hafen, Marie K. Hafen

Knowing Why: 127 MORE Evidences That the Book of Mormon is True by BoM Central

A Reason for Faith by Laura Harris Hales

The Heavens Are Open by Wendy Watson Nelson

Seekers Wanted by Anthony Sweat

Falling to Heaven: The Surprising Path to Happiness by James L. Ferrell

Insights from a Prophet's Life: Russell M. Nelson by Sheri Dew

To Draw Closer to God by Henry B. Eyring

Planted: Belief and Belonging in an Age of Doubt by Patrick Q. Mason

Getting at the Truth: Responding to Difficult Questions by Robert L. Millet

The Little Book of Book of Mormon Evidences by John Hilton III

Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Richard L. Anderson

Leap of Faith: Confronting the Origins of the BoM by Bob Bennett

An Ancient American Setting for the Book of Mormon by John L. Sorenson

Reexploring the Book of Mormon by John W. Welch

Case of the Book of Mormon Witnesses by Eldin Ricks

Shaken Faith Syndrome by Mike Ash

Reflections of a Scientist by Henry Eyring

That We May Be One by Tom Christofferson (a gay member)